Friday, May 26

is you is or is you aint my baby

I've always loved Nat. I'm not blogging much of interest at the moment because I'm haunted by a terrible patch of 'relationship' neurosis. This happens often - hence the name of this blog - and before you all jump up in consternation, I am seeking professional help for it and one day hope to be Normal. And then turn grey.


Lately there's been much talk about one-night stands and having a shag simply because it's something fun to do. I'm terribly overwhelmed by this. I've never had a one-nighter myself. Just very short relationships.

But as we all head off into the weekend, I would like to know some opinions from the floor (and feel free to post anon. if this is all a little too spicy - write as you or as your alter-ego, I don't mind) - do you one night stand? Do people actually just want to shag or is everybody - deep down - looking for someone to pat and kiss them and call them bunny?


Anonymous said...

Have you ever had just a 60-minute stand? Where you don't even know the guy's name really.

The idea of an ONS excites me, and scares me, at the same time.

maeree said...

I'm of the smug married kind, so feel free to ignore my opinion. But i've always suspected that, if it's just about personal satisfaction, the woman is basically guaranteed an orgasm-free ONS. Or am i just naive? Maybe the buddy-system works better.

Anonymous said...

i think for one nighters you must really take the matter in hand, as it were. you have to be assertive in what you want and this maybe isnt so easy for some women.
also i think theres this danger of emotional engagement and in my experience fancying some one you met in a bar and shagged, doesnt usually play out that well.
then they can also be much fun. ive noticed i have a special dirty dog walk for going home later.

Stefan said...

I've been in a relationship for five years but I used to - ahem - enjoy having the odd random fling.

They are fun if you've got a relaxed attitude about them. I think people who have problems (before, during and after) one night stands are those who expect them to be a quick-fire little relationship. They can't be. This doesn't mean that they're necessarily just physical. There can be tenderness and intimacy, but these are by products.

There are only four essential ingredients: Self respect, a sense of humour, a good taste in men and friends who can talk sense into you when you ignore any one of the previous three due to a temporary lack of judgment.

dorothy said...

excellent advice (stephan - you always say just the right things) -but in my defense I don't approach ONS as a mini-relationship - I just tend to only sleep with men I'm likely to sleep with again. And the question really is - am i ninny because of this.

Stefan said...

You're not a ninny at all. One of the crueller aspects of modern existence is that we've somehow come to believe that it is pathetic to become attached to people, especially if you're a woman and you become attached "too quickly". So you're someone that only enters into something if you know that there's something more than instant gratification on the horizon. Not a bad character trait.

Dai said...

i think one-night-stands means loving someone for a moment. then letting it go completely.

Sparky said...

We've actually chatted about this before.

I believe everyone during the course of their lifetime enters a short (what I like to call) "slut phase". During this time, your standards and morals fly out the window, and you just become a complete hedonist. I've witnessed this happen in many of my friends (as well as myself). I believe its a necessary part of growing up, exploring the baser part of your personality. During my "slut phase" I had MANY one night stands. Having learnt from this period, its not something I'd readily do again, because it isn't something that I find fulfilling anymore.

besides, I enjoy cudding too much, and you're unlikely to get that during a ONS

Krizz said...

Sparky, some ONS just want to cuddle. And I mean just cuddling and kissing (maybe a little fun-bag action, but nothing below the belt)...

I once had this discussion with a friend of mine over whether the cuddlers actually count as an ONS (or a "score" if you will). He reckoned not at all.

One thing you have to say for the cuddling nights are that they are safe (physically and emotionally) - and once you have lowered your sights (terrible pun) - they can be fun, and reasurring and in winter it is very nice to be held at night - even by a relative stranger ;-)

The bad part is that it is only temporary "acceptance" - no real understanding there - and if you are a talker then you tend to irritate girls who value touching over talking (in my limited experience).

So, it is not sustainable, but the cool thing is that when you do find a cuddler that likes talking, you can be way more honest than with people you are likely to see again (hang on, maybe that is not so cool...)

Do Kwang said...

I once decided to live out of my id for a month and just follow every wild urge that came over me. Then my id expressed a great urge to spend every Friday evening on the couch reading a book and drinking hot chocolate. Go figure!

dorothy said...

on the subject of friends and the things they do to watch our backs, i would like to take this little space and say thanks to mostlyblue for taking care of a little matter for me yesterday.

you rock.

prof - were you drinking hot choc and lying on the couch with a book and someone to call you bunny?