Wednesday, June 7

it's clearer now, we should've known

In the list of woulda coulda shouldas, I have a couple that make me wince. More than wince. Cringe. Not necessarily because the things I wouldacouldashoulda done woulda been terribly life-altering, (I console myself that All Is As It Should Be *ah fuck just can't get away from them! *) but because they're there at all.




The conscious act of allowing a moment to Be without the intervention of expectations (coulda) and judgement (shoulda) is something that has clouded most of my enjoyment in people and situations for a greater part of my life. Sadly the person I've least been able to enjoy with this attitude is myself.

Of course things change and life moves on and we learn kindness and compassion towards others and ourselves etc etc but when it comes right down to it, how much are we able to change the very western force that's driven us to this point we're now at? That 'better is always best and best is always on the other side of the fence' attitude - a better house / car / career / body / spirituality / partner / friends / individuation / clothes / buddha statues / heaven / country/ soul...something that has to be gotten, attained, worked at, achieved, prayed for. And hard. To do this, we should have that. To get there, we should be here. And if we don't get there (up the ladder, nirvana, the goal, the point) or become that (rich, happy, complete, together, cool) then there are the excuses that consume both our past and future that we gently flaggelate ourselves with: I could've done that if only, I would've done this if only...everything would be so much better.

A friend of mine once summed up the word NOW - No Opportunity Wasted. I enjoyed this and wrote it down in my journal. But often, using an opportunity - a moment in time that is fully experienced instead of being casually overlooked - means simply to Be in the moment. No more. No less. No talking, no processing, no thinking, no dialogueing.

It's not a new topic and hardly earth shattering for most. But something that's been on my mind lately and something I'm trying to do more every day. I really should try to Be more.

Hold on.

Damn.

It's such a conundrum.

4 comments:

Michael-john said...

It a Bitch! … As soon as you get over the thinking of it and the just doing of it …..It is no more ….. Or no more fun …. We imposes the barriers that stop us from being yourselves …M

dorothy said...

totally. barriers barriers. shite.

Stefan said...

Milan Kundera said: "We all have the desire to live all of our lives at once". He was talking here about the multitude of possible lives that arise from every choice we make. So every time we make a decision there is the life that results from that decision (the one we experience directly). But the choices we reject also lead to a number of other (virtual, if you like) lives that we don't experience directly, but which do exist in our head. And from his quote you can tell that he doesn't have good news: We're doomed always to be weighing up these make-believe worlds against our actual lives. For me this is not necessarily a problem. The way I've rationalised it is that those who are steadfastly happy with everything and everyone around simply don't have the capacity to understand the complexity of the problem.

dorothy said...

or, in the immortal words of fforde's 'thursday next's dad (who shall not be named)' -

"For I dipped into the past...and saw a vision of the world and all the options there could be!"