Monday, December 11

You are my sunshine

Dear Daniel

I recently betook myself to watch James Bond - Casino Royale. I do not generally like Bond movies, finding their formulaic plots, corny one-liners and sexually bland characters as attractive as a pig's anus.

However. The last James Bond, featuring Pierce being beaten up and tortured, gave me hope that Bond was on it's way to a better cinema experience for all. And I didn't fall alseep once.

And then. You came along. My darling, you are so very beautiful I almost cried. You are so very hot I could barely keep from sliding off my chair. Daniel, your searing - but not overwhelming - sexual appeal will keep me on tenterhooks for the next Bond movie. You may sleep with as many woman as ethically possible without introducing condoms - because then I get to see you naked. You (and obviously the forward thinking producers, director and scrip-writers [wouldn't want to forget them]) have brought life to the ailing and limp-willied personalities of Bond.

I love you. You are beautiful.
Yours in love,



arcadia said...

lol lol lol lol

i'm so with you. did you ever see him as ted hughes in 'sylvia'? there he was sexy AND intellectual - the best possible combination.

Lily said...

I hate to say this (and am ducking as I type) but your picture of Daniel was immensely improved by placing the pointing hand cursor over the face. Tee hee.

Triggermap said...

Hey Dorothy, I was kindly asked to pass this on.

Dear Dorothy

Thank you for your charming letter (I'm British, it flies). I thought you might be delighted to be informed that I'm always auditioning new Bond girls who exude raw sexual power. Based on your letter, I thought you might like to give it a bash. Please submit 3 A3 sized glossy photographs to my agent and in due course you shall be informed if your application for a tryst has been approved. Oh dear, who am I kidding - I'm James Bond - I slept with MoneyPenny, Judi Dench and the Queen - of course I'll bone any girl I meet. But fear not, thanks to Q's secret cure, in 900000000000000 sexual exploits, I'm yet to contract an STD.

Yours in prosperity,

dorothy said...

arcadia - i stayed as far away from 'Sylvia' as possible. I LOVE SP poems and i intensely dislike gwyneth paltry. She 'acted' in that totally fucked up rendition of Possession - another of my favourites - and the whole thing stunk so badly I couldn't sit through ten minutes of it. So when Sylvia came round I passed. Anyway, I only carry on about it with such vigour today, because it was actually a topic of conversation last night. But if DANIEL'S in it - I think I'll grin and bare it. Is he Ted Hughs?

lily - i understand covering his face - the sheer magnificence of all that hotness can be overwhelming.

dorothy said...

Dear Daniel

Be still my little plum. You need to be quiet and just look as hot as you do without saying a word. It digresses from your supreme hotness. One does not like to hear the words 'bone', 'judi dench' and 'std' in the same sentence. It is upsetting to me.

Yours in silence,

P.S. Don't hide behind a mask of superficiality my love, I know that you feel deeply and passionately but are just hurting inside. Let me hug you.

P.P.S Trigger has clearly NOT watched the new Bond or he would be aware of your emotional depth and true spirit.

Adam said...

Fokken sexy foto daar! Kan ek dit in life-size kry asb? Maak dit vier. Een vir elke vertrek van my huis. Ek sal beslis 'n plan moet beraam om by daai movie uit te kom. Studies kan wag vir daai lyf - enige dag...

Sparky said...

see...this is why we divorced.

*shakes head and tut-tuts*

Sparky said...

ps - you might want to conside watching the first tomb raider again. theres a scene where he cruises around his apartment ubernekkid.

PienkZuit said...

We went to see it on the weekend, and I LOVED it! People say it's the best Bond since Sean Connery. I say it's the best Bond EVAR! Shoot me if you must, but I'll stand by that.

dorothy said...

clearly, i agree