Tuesday, May 19

so. about that sexpo.

Well plums. I went with very (very, very practically non-existent) low expectations. (Let me just say from the get-go that i'll be dispensing with any witty punnisims) and i didn't have to pay to get in (yay for media passes). if i had either any expectations or had to pay the R150 (about $18) to get in i'd have been pissed OFF.

but, as that was not the case, i must admit, i had rather a fun time. These were the highlights....

betty beauty
betty beauty. colour for your pubes. as endorsed by oprah. which, i don't know, i found odd. oprah doesn't strike me as the type to dye her pubes electric pink (which the cute sales lady was quick to bubble was the biggest seller when it first hit the shelves in the US two years ago.) You can even buy stencils at about R160 a pop. Suddenly pubes are in again. Read up what radiant hair down there can do for you today...

stud butler

Oh how i wish, i WISH, i could upload the instructional video to this little dude. (eventually found a link to this...)

it was like a very bad porn WITHOUT muzak!

picture it. she comes home to her sparsely furnished apartment after a hard day's work. she pours herself a glass of wine. (red. she's got class.) she flips through the channels: isidingo, 7de laan, die nuus (seriously) but there's nothing good on the box. sighing, she gets up and goes to the bedroom.

she moves to her wardrobe where she pulls out what looks like a very little cape. it is. it is the cape of the stud butler. her senses aroused she takes the stud butler out of the cupboard and places his box gently on the bed and then quickly disrobes.

she chooses a penis size from the two that are provided and, settling on the larger, more robust member (it HAS been a hard day after all) she attaches it to her plastic paramour's crotch and lies back with him and his box placed between her legs.

A nifty remote-operated platform lifts him up and out of his velvetine confines and, as its so perfectly angled, his impressive member easily finds its mark. at this point she chooses her thrust speed and off he goes while she lies back enjoying a solid rogering from the stud butler. or stud mexican bandito. or stud satanic priest.

found this: go here to download videos of this macabre little stud butler in action.

the chapel of love
i'm not sure if anyone actually got hitched at the chapel of love. i just love this blurb from the site:

"This 15 minute 'Vegas Quickie' commitment ceremony is the perfect way to express your undying love to one another."

talk about cheap thrills and expensive mistakes. paradoxically, these romantic moments of spontaneous matrimony had to be prebooked.

i remember hearing one of the ministers on radio punting this crud saying something like: 'seffricans needs to look further than their usual arrangements.' yes. like some semblance of authenticity.

how to please your wife and lose your hard on

i am NOT sure what a gentleman is supposed to know or what mavericks was trying to do with this R50-extra-tent but it sure as hell wasn't to advertise beautiful women and raw sexuality.

the dancers were appallingly bad. they hung lazily on the pole like hooked carrion or sauntered around it like they'd lost something. their faces were practically death masks staring out at the people spilled out infront of them on cushions and mats as they pulled of their clothes and tugged at their undies. they were bored and uncomfortable. it would've been funny if it just wasn't so insulting. it's a FAIL mavericks. you suck. (and your cheerleading madam did nothing to convince the audience just by the by)

bad bad girl
my most favourite moment was being spanked by the naughty Burning Lash of Kinx. This bad boy makes the MOST divine BDSM leather goods and tells me that his site gets 10 new members a DAY. saffas like to be spanked ne? check it out here.

anyway, thanks for the pics sparks. you rock solid.


Sparky said...

my favourite part was making friends with Naughty nurse betty, and officer wellhung.

I wonder if nurse betty makes house calls?

the infomercial for stud butler was priceless. I give it two thumbs up. man as a gender is an endangered species, after watching the indefatigable little bastard go.

we must go again next year, miss. hopefully I will have conquered my fear of womens lingerie stores by then.

Anonymous said...

I want a stud satanic priest!