Tuesday, May 26

Whips and chains!

Slavery in the bedroom? Sex columnist Dorothy Black can't see the harm in a bit of spanking...

BDSM, or bondage domination sadomasochism, has had a bad rap from the vanillas since the whole Judeo-Christian thing came into fashion and it became de rigeur for citizens to polarise life, the universe and everything into Good and Evil and copulate only in the missionary position.

And while times they may be a-changing, most of us would still shuffle in our seats if someone mentioned that they were a sub who got off on being being collared, tied up and whipped. Read more...

So the research on this was so interesting to me. For anyone thinking of trawling the internetwebs for BDSM be warned that what you will find will give you as much insight into the reality of everyday BDSM relationships as what 'normal' porn does into 'normal' relationships. It's a bad reference basically.

Unfortunately i wasn't able to plug KINX leatherware products as i wanted to. because DAMN that some well made shit there.

these babies are my favourite. who needs nasty chinese metal handcuffs that hurt and cut tendons when you have fine leather wrist cuffs and a little bit of rope. they're truly beautiful. the ones i fell in love with had pink detailing. just love that.

as an addendum to the column some other stuff BurningLash pointed out was the fact that of the 11 000 + members on the site, most are subs and of those most are men. only 500 of the subs are actually women.

who's been a bad boy then?

I don't think the full on pain thing would be my gig. As BL points out unless you're loving it and 100% consensual its abuse. i think i'll just stick to the B of BDSM....and maybe a bit of the D... but that's IT.

over and out plums.
x

*apart from the cuffs both images are from photobucket. thanks nameless peoples.

Monday, May 25

postsecret pics of the week

i just LOVE this one. mostly because i have a wild crush on our company's CEO (even though it's rumoured that he is an ass...nevertheless) and then....

oh the places you'll go is by far one of my most (ha ha actually just typed 'moist' ... damn that CEO) favourite books - funny, insightful clever... so cool

Thursday, May 21

i love you activia


Dear Activia

I know you illegally posted this istockphoto image on your website and i'll post it here too (though not illegally because i've attributed ownership and this isn't for profit...just saying) but i can see why you did, because i feel just like the lady in the photo - just so happy and free, so joyful with my healthy body and my healthy mind (mostly).

naturally my contentment is not all thanks to you activia. i believe orgasms and yoga and friends and family and steaming and massaging and flaxseed oil vegecaps and a healthy vegetarian lifestyle contribute to my general well-being, but i must admit that you add that little something special. especially your kiwi and pear flavours. they please me greatly.

kiwi.

i haven't yet tried your other flavours. 'cereal' and 'prune' just sound too nasty for words and the strawberry flavour reminds me of cheap brands of yogurt. and you're not cheap my little plastic bowl of bowel candy. literally or figuratively. but what's money when there is real love. and i love you. i do.

Tuesday, May 19

so. about that sexpo.

Well plums. I went with very (very, very practically non-existent) low expectations. (Let me just say from the get-go that i'll be dispensing with any witty punnisims) and i didn't have to pay to get in (yay for media passes). if i had either any expectations or had to pay the R150 (about $18) to get in i'd have been pissed OFF.

but, as that was not the case, i must admit, i had rather a fun time. These were the highlights....

betty beauty
betty beauty. colour for your pubes. as endorsed by oprah. which, i don't know, i found odd. oprah doesn't strike me as the type to dye her pubes electric pink (which the cute sales lady was quick to bubble was the biggest seller when it first hit the shelves in the US two years ago.) You can even buy stencils at about R160 a pop. Suddenly pubes are in again. Read up what radiant hair down there can do for you today...

stud butler

Oh how i wish, i WISH, i could upload the instructional video to this little dude. (eventually found a link to this...)

it was like a very bad porn WITHOUT muzak!

picture it. she comes home to her sparsely furnished apartment after a hard day's work. she pours herself a glass of wine. (red. she's got class.) she flips through the channels: isidingo, 7de laan, die nuus (seriously) but there's nothing good on the box. sighing, she gets up and goes to the bedroom.

she moves to her wardrobe where she pulls out what looks like a very little cape. it is. it is the cape of the stud butler. her senses aroused she takes the stud butler out of the cupboard and places his box gently on the bed and then quickly disrobes.

she chooses a penis size from the two that are provided and, settling on the larger, more robust member (it HAS been a hard day after all) she attaches it to her plastic paramour's crotch and lies back with him and his box placed between her legs.

A nifty remote-operated platform lifts him up and out of his velvetine confines and, as its so perfectly angled, his impressive member easily finds its mark. at this point she chooses her thrust speed and off he goes while she lies back enjoying a solid rogering from the stud butler. or stud mexican bandito. or stud satanic priest.

found this: go here to download videos of this macabre little stud butler in action.

the chapel of love
i'm not sure if anyone actually got hitched at the chapel of love. i just love this blurb from the site:

"This 15 minute 'Vegas Quickie' commitment ceremony is the perfect way to express your undying love to one another."

talk about cheap thrills and expensive mistakes. paradoxically, these romantic moments of spontaneous matrimony had to be prebooked.

i remember hearing one of the ministers on radio punting this crud saying something like: 'seffricans needs to look further than their usual arrangements.' yes. like some semblance of authenticity.

how to please your wife and lose your hard on

i am NOT sure what a gentleman is supposed to know or what mavericks was trying to do with this R50-extra-tent but it sure as hell wasn't to advertise beautiful women and raw sexuality.

the dancers were appallingly bad. they hung lazily on the pole like hooked carrion or sauntered around it like they'd lost something. their faces were practically death masks staring out at the people spilled out infront of them on cushions and mats as they pulled of their clothes and tugged at their undies. they were bored and uncomfortable. it would've been funny if it just wasn't so insulting. it's a FAIL mavericks. you suck. (and your cheerleading madam did nothing to convince the audience just by the by)

bad bad girl
my most favourite moment was being spanked by the naughty Burning Lash of Kinx. This bad boy makes the MOST divine BDSM leather goods and tells me that his site gets 10 new members a DAY. saffas like to be spanked ne? check it out here.

anyway, thanks for the pics sparks. you rock solid.

Friday, May 15

oh baby!

there's been a ruckus in the mother city this week about the huggies ad. author and columnist lauren beukes took exception to the image and the byline used and got the rest of the media on the bandwagon to lambast what is considered a rather crude depiction of the kid.


image from LB's site - ta a lot

enough has been said about it i think but after reading about it again for the umpteenth time, this time in the big issue, I couldn't help but wonder to myself... no matter how kak we think the ad agencies are for putting babies in adult contexts and clothing (highheels etc) how much kakker is it that we can look this picture and the first thing we see is sex.

because why can't it just be a little kid with an angry pout and hand on the hip? why is it that LB sees "a cute parody of adult sexuality".

this is just one of the images she compares the ad to. when i saw the ad for the first time, my first reaction was, seriously, 'denim'?? wtf? it's a bloody NAPPY. now even our NAPPIES need to be designer?? what a bunch of shit.'

that was it. not OH MY GOD THAT BABY LOOKS LIKE A HENTAI WAITRESS WHORE.

but that's just me.

maybe i'm being naive.

but i think it says a lot about us not only that we can create and buy into the need for denim-styled nappies and aloe-scented toilet paper and shove our five-year old's feet into high heels but that we can look at this tot and make wild sexual associations with the image.

Wednesday, May 13

The Princess Diaries

Is this the 'quiet before the storm'? Dorothy Black wonders when it will start raining... men!

Dear Diary This weekend was just so awesome!! On Friday I hung out at the Meat Market on Derry for the singles party with 15 of my closest girlfriends. I met the most crazy AMAZING guys there diary and at least ten asked me for my number (Amber says I totally would've, like, gotten more if I'd worn my red Stephan Maddens) and although I liked most of them, I'm SO hoping that the banker guy (can't remember his name, it was just, like, SUCH a crazy party diary I can't remember when last I drank so many kirs!!) will call me....

So, that's what happened in the parallel universe this weekend.

In my universe, the weekend was far, far less adventurous. Far less juicy. In fact, in this part of the universe there is a veritable drought. The only juice in this universe at the moment comes from the cocoa bean and the Pinotage grape. Preferably enjoyed with people I've known for years, in settings that have non-existent dress codes. Read more...


Tuesday, May 12

say no to sex(PO) say angry bible people

so the sexpo is rolling around again. although i didn't go last year, i don't recall there being very many great reports of the event. words and phrases like 'dingy', 'boring' and 'a downright fucking rip-off' come to mind. i'll see for myself this year, when i make a little turn there on saturday.

folks who won't be making a little turn there, however, are the outraged members of the Christian Action Network who have dubbed the sexpo a 'celebration of lust and lewdness, adultery and perversion' according to the Times. They were so upset by this celebration that they defaced a billboard advertising this diabolical event.

Very balanced. Which is what you can expect from people that have said this:

The betrayal of this country into the hands of Marxist mass murderers has led to the paganisation of this once strongly Christian nation. Once babies were protected from abortion, all foul language, sex scenes and blasphemy were censored out of Hollywood films before they could be shown in our country, Sundays were honoured with no commercial activity or cinemas open, in honour of the Lord’s Day, schools started with Bible reading, hymn singing and prayer in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ. But, today, we have legalised gambling, legalised prostitution, legalised abortion, and now even legalised homosexual “marriages.”

Ahh, the world was perfect in those good ol' days of white supremism. At least they're ok with the whole freedom of expression thing when they get to protest and deface private property.

Luckily for them, president comrade Zuma, hates the gays as much as they do, knocking the little fuckers out whenever he gets the chance. So there is some silver lining around that big marxist cloud of mass murderers...the enemy of my enemy and all that...

Monday, May 11

postsecret pic of the week and to all the mom's i've loved before

I just love this kid's face. i think she's crazy beautiful. and as for the sentiment, i've always thought that i'll probably only have a kid if i fall pregnant accidentally. it doesn't strike me as something i'd actually plan for. maybe its because i' i'm secretly petrified of motherhood. i've had four moms and the story goes something like this...

ACT 1
Wherein tragedy strikes and father must raise daughter alone in the wilderness


don't laugh. it's from a made for tv hallmark movie about a little girl who's mom dies and she hangs out with her dad until the perfect next mom comes along. it was on last night and i cried myself a little river. it was very cathartic. anyway, mom number two was like this:

ACT 2
Wherein the Evil Stepmother makes an appearance and is killed off
(not literally though, just for effect)


except not as pretty. this is susan sarandon from enchanted, which is just one of my most favourite movies. (i LOVE musicals and fairytales and tearjerkers and i LOVE DISNEY OK). then mom number three (a very close friend of mine now) and attendant bad marraige made everyone feel like this:

ACT 3
Wherein a new family is made and broken


and now?

ACT 4
Wherein the One True Next Mother is found and they all live happily ever after

(an aside, but seriously, what is wrong is hegel's hands? are they really that ogre-like or is it a trick of photography...will investigate...)

saying that, i've had countless women fulfill the mother role for me - my aunt and grandmother in particular, but then also teachers and family friends, church anties and boyfriends' mothers...it's been quite a ride. it will be a book someday i think. but until then, happy belated mom's day moms. unlike valentines this is a hallmark day i fall for.

Wednesday, May 6

Dreamgasms

Wet dreams, do you still have them? Dorothy Black explores the obvious advantages...

Woke up to an out-of-the-blue sms this morning from The Scientist telling me that he would enjoy a day of casual sex and would I like to come over. I told him it was out of the question as I had already spent the night dreaming about men I actually wanted to shag.

Ah, wet dreams, always there to provide that little something special during a dry spell in Singledom.
Read on...