Monday, January 4

i'm black. blacker than black in 2010.

a few weeks ago i decided i needed a little break from trying to be relevant. it gets tiresome. i dropped the w24 column for a month, stopped blogging, didn't pick up any other writing and stopped twittering.

i didn't follow other blogs and didn't check news sites, entertainment channels and what other columnists were up to. i didn't pick up a newspaper (except for M&G's last issue of 2009 which was totally cool) or a magazine (at least south african ones because they generally suck. except the YOU book, which is just the bomb).

surprisingly, my world did not come to an end. (although i'm sure my ratings and readership did - i've yet to check the stats.)

with all the spare time i wanked a lot, fucked a lot, read a lot and baked cookies. i also spent an inordinate amount of time on my favourite beach.

god smiled on me.

naturally, with all this time on my hands i spared a few moments for thinking deep, thinky thoughts. i won't bore you with all of them, but i'll list a few that stuck out.
  1. drug dealers just don't trust me. i don't know what it is. doesn't matter who's referred me and what reassurances they've given, they just don't trust me. wtf.
  2. i fucking CHANNEL martha sterwart when i make flapjacks. even b agrees. (check out food24 for the recipe here.)
  3. labushka and i are starting up a new site which is where i'll most probably be migrating to. it'll be a sex site and for the time being we'll call this Project Sex until i think of a smarter stand-in name as i keep you informed about its progress (we have a proper name already, but its just so freaking awesome i don't want to unleash its full awesomeness on the world just yet).
  4. good friends are family. the saddest, loneliest thing i ever heard was from pamela jooste who told me once that she never, ever confused her friends with being family and would never impose such obligations on them.
  5. after having an IUD inserted i can comfortably and confidently say that i am quite suddenly a keen supporter of cesareans and horse tranquilisers.
  6. chris mac and myself will be uploading some totally pointless podcasts for our amusement at some point this year. you might find it amusing also.
  7. mr hardman will be making an entry into the columns. this will be interesting.
  8. i quite like mark twain. anton gave my a copy of pudd'nhead wilson and those extraordinary twins a while back and i only managed to pick it up now. what fun.
anyways. so that's it. blogging will commence, though more regularly with most updates happening mondays, wednesdays and fridays (ya see now beatrice!? look what you go and make me do) and the columns will continue on W24 as per usual but with a bit of a new spin on things.

luckily mr hardman neither reads my column nor my blog, so we get to talk about him and his penis a lot.

over and out plums. i think i'm looking forward to this year.

and johnson? keep up the good work.


Xander said...

What of my role as a conduit through which Martha Stewart's spirit enabled you to make such fabulous flapjacks? -X

dorothy said...

i'm appalled at myself for having neglected to mention you my sweet. in fact, if i sift through the memory even further i wonder if it wasn't YOU who likened my natural flapjacking talent to that of martha stewart...

Sparky said...

missing ya, dahlink.
hope your 2010 is significantly better than your 2009 (which was pretty darned decent, all things considered)

Suki lock said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suki Lock said...

Well, the things you did with the spare time seem like fair enough reasons to not blog.

Oh, but I have to say: nice (please note the sarcasm). You convince me to start blogging, and then scamper as I do. I am hurt etc (please note the pain). Flapjacks and a Martha Stewart impersonation might make up for it...

Suki Lock said...

ADDITIONAL COMMENT: Just to let you know I wasn't swearing at you in the deleted comment. The kid just managed to commit it before I was ready. I have this nagging feeling he's gonna be smarter than me soon. On the plus side: I won't have to help with his homework one day.

Bordeaux and Xander said...

A pleasant first entry. It gives me some more hope for the fuckery that 2010 will bring. Thanks and happy new decade and... you do drugs?

dorothy said...

only on occasion. you didn't didn't get the special cookies because you're too young.

Sparky said...

you make "special cookies'?

a visit to dorothy is definitely in order