Wednesday, February 17

post secret pic of the week

i have a better post coming up about anonymous, but it's taking some time to do the research (such as it is), so i'm posting this little nothing in the meantime.

i hate hearing people say they're really bad at relationships, but i'm starting to wonder whether i am, in fact, actually just pretty shitty at them.

i'm a hopelessly romantic cynic as labushka would say. or a cynical romantic. either way, it doesn't make a good landing ground for cupid.

my first 'adult' relationship and the first person i slept with – who was, in my young, rose-bespectacled naivety, the love of my life - taught me many things:

1. do not get involved with broken hearts / inlove with someone else
2. do not fall in love with potential
3. do not fall in love with a frustrated creative

i wasted an entire year and a bit of my life driving to his place to be holed up with his broke ass in cheap, stinky apartments (in a very creepy arrangement with his foster father and another boy) watching tv, smoking and drinking coffee or hanging out in bars smoking and drinking cheap beer and playing pool (which i hate).

nightmares are made of this

i think of where i do not want to be in my life and i think of him and that time.

mostly i know what i want for my life and where i want to be and HOW i want to be.

but i'm starting to think that knowing that is a big black strike against possible relationships.

i don't really listen to radio and really not gareth cliff. but caught him on the radio this morning mumbling about love and sex and staying single and that there should be a love rehab. that the minute you thought you were falling in love, you'd cut and run and get yourself to a 'get-better home'.

maybe i operate like that. and maybe cm is right, that i use my 'do not fall in love with' shit list as a way of justifying that.

i don't know. sex is easy when you're not getting all tongue-tied and heart-twisted with love (or the lack of it).


oao plums. (is this week over yet?)

6 comments:

LordFoom said...

What makes you wonder if you're bad at relationships?

H said...

number 2 is a good lesson but almost impossible to actually abide by.

dorothy said...

oh i have a much longer list - the others include : no addicts and no one that's involved

LF : trying my hand at this relationship with the hardman, one that, technically, should be going very very well, and just isn't

LordFoom said...

All kind of vague: why should it be going "very very well"? What does it mean when it's not going "very very well"?

dorothy said...

commnuication = very very well
no communication = very very bad

LordFoom said...

Ain't that the bitter truth.