Tuesday, February 23

strike a blank

11.43

still no column.

maybe it will come to me in a dream.
maybe jebus will descend from heaven and take the bad feelings away.
maybe i'll harden the fuck up by breakfast tomorrow morning.

did i tell you that i got a phonecall from the significant ex (SE) on thursday (before the friday that Mr Hardman made do with our relations)? and then a clarifying email from the SE on friday (the very friday that Mr Hardman made do with our relations)?

yes.

it never rains it pours.

one relationship of 5 years, ended 5 years ago finds closure on the day of the ending of the most significant relationship (of 5 months) i've had in said 5 years.

the planets are aligning.

in short: while i didn't think i needed it, i got the closure i was looking for from the SE. he's finally human again, which is always a comfort. very genuine apologies all round and some heartening signs that he has, in fact, grown up.

chin chin

11.55

still no sign of column. might have to call in a broken heart and hand in my homework next week. my anger ate up my paper. christ. it's just as well i'm not going to hand anything in, the cliches are difficult to keep at bay. the drama of it all.

boo.

being heartsick certainly puts a damper on writing an upbeat sex column. how did that annoying carrie character do it?