Tuesday, March 30

i love you lucy, but you don't make me cookies

see, lucy cleans my house.

for those of you who have not been to my home, i live like a teenage boy mostly. not so much in the dirt/cum stains department, but more in the mess department.

except, you know, lucy's zimbabwean and can't fly

mess is everywhere. i create mess. wherever i go i fill spaces with all my stuff. i always seem to have a lot of mess and mess in all the wrong places: crockery on the balcony, books in the bathroom, toiletries in the kitchen, underwear in the study (or outside in the foyer of my apartment block as happened the other day)....

so, actually not mess so much as just my STUFF lying around everywhere.

i don't know how it happens. it just does. it's one of those weird universal anomalies like wormholes and justin biebarf.

an explosion. justin beibarf. a wormhole = my house

it pains me to admit this in such a public arena, because i'm sure it's some big insight into how immature i am, but it's such a fundamental reason behind this next confession, that i needed to give you some background.

i wish, how i wish, for a 1950s housewife.

i love lucy because she vacuums and does my dishes and packs my closets, but she doesn't cook me food, bring me cocktails or run my bath.

how i long for someone to clean up after me and pay the bills and make me food so that i can spend more time on the important things in life like drinking wine with my friends, writing and fucking.

what does dot want for dinner tonight?

anyhoo. apart from drinking, writing and fucking, i have no other excuse for not updating the blog regularly.

oh, except freaking the fuck out, because sasha martinengo has it in his head that i should do a small spot on his show on thursdays called the dot spot. starts this thursday. as in two days away.

nerves? me? what. ever.

oao plums. will post more details later. this is going to rock hard. my granny always told me i'd amount to something some day. you know, maybe not a sex columnist, but ja, still...

6 comments:

Shello said...

You will without doubt rule the airwaves, of this I am certain! Of course I wont be listening since I have in my head a specific picture of what I think you sound and look like and I don't want to spoil it just in case... but good luck anyways :)

As for your post, I'm into the whole minimalism thing so I typically live like a monk, the bare essentials, everything in it's place. So if somehow I get lucky one evening I can whip her home without stressing about how the place looks... though with the dry spell I'm on right now, I could just as well be a monk!

Shello said...

Sought of a cross between Debra Messing and Jennifer Carpenter with a bit of Anna Faris thrown in for good measure. Ohhh... with a bit of Thandie Newton thrown in for luck :)

How close am I? I can definitely keep a secret if you want to share you secret identity with me!

dorothy said...

:) awesome. though i WISH i could say i look like thandi newton! though if i looked like her i probably wouldn't have started writing. i would've been out there looking beautiful 24/7 :) i, am, however, brunette. so 10/10 for that... except on the anna faris thing :)

Sparky said...

you're hotter than anna faris, dearest.

*blows a kiss*

congrats on the new gig. will this mean more alimony money?

dorothy said...

flattery will get you nowhere in court sparks

Sparky said...

crap!
*kicks dirt*