Wednesday, March 10

In favour of fellatio

Sex columnist Dorothy Black thinks it’s important to give in order to receive.

There’s this really awesome (shallow and patronising) joke I absolutely love. It’s one of the few I remember, probably because I regard it as near fact. It goes like this:

Question: Why are men similar to floor tiles?

Answer: If you lay them properly once you can walk over them for the rest of your life.

Ha ha ha.


oh how i do like a lolly so

holy crap plums. i thought this would be one of the easiest columns to write, but hell. it was like birthing a whale. why? i know not. prolly cos of the hopper-esque mood and all.


i remember a few years back, b and i were talking about whether we spit or swallow. he'd just met this yummy and said something along the lines of how if you're really really into someone you just want to suck, fuck, swallow and take in as much of their bodies as possible.

he was so right. swallowing was never really my gig until i met someone just like b's yummy. then you just want everything.

in the initmatable words of lady gaga:

Ra Ra-ah-ah-ah Roma Roma-ma GaGa Oh la-la Want your bad romance I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything As long as it's free

i guess when i was a kid - well, teenager at least - i kinda took my queue from what was hot in relationships from movies like wild at heart.

a symbol of mah individualitah

maybe taking one's idea from lynch and tarantino isn't so smart but well, there you have it.


there's a scene in wild at heart where sailor is explaining to lula about this woman he was going to shag but who refused to give him head:


We see what he talks about.

She just rolled over onto her stomach
and stuck her ass up in the air. I
slid my hand between her legs and
she closed her thighs on it.



You're excitin' me, honey. What'd
she do?

Her face was half-pushed into the
pillow, and she looked back over
her shoulder at me and said, 'I
won't suck you. Don't ask me to
suck you.'

Poor baby. She don't know what she
missed. What color hair she have?
i loved that they could talk like that.

i loved that they were so into each other that they knew they could talk about other fucking other people without feeling insecure, because they were, you know into EACH OTHER and knew it.

as my mom always says: communication, communication, communication.

and there it was right there. thanks lynch.

and then i LOVED how what she said about the other chicken missing out. at the time, i knew sweet zero about blow jobs and she made it sound like something awesome.

and she wasn't wrong.

thanks lynch.

anyway. oao plums. hope you liked the column and commented nicely.

(ps thanks 5fm jock and car dude sasha martinengo for his most fab 'salty milkshake' phrase. scares me a little. but only a little.)


Juanne de Abreu said...

you might find it interesting...

Alwill said...

Totally agree, if you really like/dig/love someone and want all of them you will want to swallow.

Shello said...

absolutely, if you like someone you should swallow... oh and you should also want to support them financially without bitching, and of course you should be prepared to dump your friends because he/she doesn't really like them. And of course if you really really like them then that little shag with the blond shouldn't really matter since it wasn't really cheating as such coz they were both trashed. And yes, anal is so on tonight because remember... you really like/dig/love them and that's the rule. Last but of course not least, you should without doubt happily change everything about yourself, totally lose everything that makes you the fabulous hot person you are simply because... yes everyone, what's the answer? That's right... coz you dig them!!!! Now go stand in the corner until you figure it out.

dorothy said...

that's quite a snippy little bit of bitch there so early in the morning, shello. tell you what, i'll go stand in the corner if you go wait in the bathroom and give yourself some time to think about the equation between: 'god you are so fucking hot to me that i actually want to consume you whole' and 'i think i love you and you love me so will take your abuse without question'.

Shello said...

Ok, I deserved that I guess. I apologize, the comments were made in a moment of weakness, so "my bad". Having said that, I still think that the whole "if you really dig someone you'll do it" a bit alarming. It's fine if it's "I dig you so I'm happy to do it", but not "you should because you said you love me". Am I talking in circles here? Either way... peace :)

dorothy said...

:) you're funny. i get what you're saying and that whole emotional manipulation thing is actually an awesome topic - will suggest to ed... dunno if they've covered something like that

開心唷 said...


dorothy said...

um. ok.

Sparky said...

ah, the ever elusive beej. its like finding a unicorn, in my experience.

*sad face*

nice column, sweetie. was great seeing ya at the LARK show. will mail you a picture later. kiss kiss.