Friday, April 30
@tomolefe of boyuninterrupted (i've always prefered the b&w pic) introduced me to this banging sista.
Alexyss K Taylor of Vagina Power fame (see above vid) is in the fucking house ya'llz. or is fucking the house ya'llz. or will get ya'llz to fuck the house or in the house... or... you know... whatever. either way, she be rocking goddamn. check her out on jezebel here.
there's a pretty cool interview with her on brightest young things.
Wednesday, April 28
k, well, i NEVER do punts for shit on my blog. BUT the dom father's collarme group is hosting its first play party at KINX his very awesome fetish store in sea point, cape town, on saturday.
check out deets on their facecrack interwebs page.
there are so few quality sex stores in the mother city and zero mainstream fetish suppliers. and it's really about time we get with the programme about it. i mean hell, afrikaans newspapers are starting to run articles on BDSM and collarme and fetish, so you know... it's totally 'normal' now, so it's ok for closet kinksters to come out come out wherever they are.
i won't be able to go sadly, taking another long weekend for a minibreak in church haven with the chefs. seems i've made an art of triple-booking myself every other day.
wrote about BDSM a little while back. it's here. there were so few comments on that column and never asked my ed what the hit count was. but have subsequently found that the more left of centre something is, the less saffas say.
anyway. have to run. late again. here's an old pic of the store... will load new ones later...
(there's a freaking aMAZING coffee shop with a radical-cool balcony to drink it on...just so's you know...)
Tuesday, April 27
those who know me super well know that i think about dying at least once a day. i have a deep fear of regret. i guess it's what drives me. a bit morbid but i've found it has its uses.
like i don't generally take people for granted. i know too well how quickly shit can change in the blink of an eye.
i think this is the most wonderful postsecret. i think i will adopt it. what a clever person.
i love this. i totally would've seen this as a sign. sometimes i think, for all my oddities of belief, i might just as well be a christian.
Thursday, April 22
There is no quicker way to divide a room full of girl friends than with the following question: Do you Brazilian?
There are no fence sitters on this one.
Two camps are created – Team Brazilian and Team Bush. The former might include a smattering of Hollywoods (all off, no landing strip), but the latter is generally a motley crew of full bush and bikini waxes.
Without fail, in South Africa, the majority on either side will be shy about their choice.
Trust me. I’ve brought the topic up about, oh, a million times over the course of the past few months with different groups of women. Generally, this is what I get:
(*i have NO idea who to credit on this lovely pic. if its you pls email*)
bright descibes it as just one of 'the most compelling photographs of cunnilingus' she's ever seen. and i couldn't agree more. i am totally enamoured with it.
i don't often agree with bright's discourse and when it comes to pubes and hair i find her take on it a little yawn, as with some of the comments i was surprised to find on her post about the orgasm deniers.
there are two points that i really wanted to challenge with the 'hair down there' column and that was the usual:
- i don't want to look like a 12-year-old (a comment i've also made)
- i find it creepy that my man wants me to look like a 12-year-old
no woman's vagina is EVER going to look like that of a juvenile pre-pube 12-yr old.
of course, i don't hang out watching naked girls that young to make an updated, accurate comparison, but i'm going to guess that regrowth, some stubble etc will put that baby to rest. so to speak.
(also, i keep a landing strip in case my lovers aren't aware of my age when they meet me...cos you know, that happens all the time.)
here's the deal.
newsflash: the vulva is beautiful. and it is beautiful to look at. in my opine, hair gets in the way. men like seeing pussy and the more of it there is to see, the better no?
newsflash2: the vulva feels lovely and soft and is very, very sensitive. ultimately the result of going hairless is not about what is good for HIM. this is what is good and lovely for HER.
i think there has to be a serious shift in perception from who women do what to their bodies for. or something.
the choice to pube or not to pube, is personal but i don't think it should be reactionary.
Wednesday, April 21
i laf and laf and just can't stop... just like i laffed with ken leeeeeee
and then this. if you thought you laffed before...
the trololololo guy is the new 'it' meme apparently.
Monday, April 19
i thought and thought and thought again about posting this. mostly because i'm superstitious that way and believe that whole pagan thing about the threefold law.
maybe that should be the secret: i'm stupidly superstitious. i don't walk under ladders, i make wishes on shooting stars and falling eyelashes. i believe if i say 'cancel, cancel, cancel' i'll make bad thoughts go away.
i believe in magic and ghosts and things unseen.
i believe in karma. i believe science and religion can't explain everything.
i believe some people are just born stupid or evil or both.
i believe some people wilfully keep their eyes shut.
and when these, stupid, bad, blind people do stupid, bad, thoughtless things out of fear or just plain wickedness (because don't kid yourselves my plums, some people are just monsters in disguise -- doesn't matter whether its nature or nurture, once a man is lost to depravity there's no turning back), i want them to feel what i believe is just the worst curse in the world.
to regret something they can't make right.
last night i thought again about some of the not great people that have been in my life. i dreamt about sharks again.
what is the measure of bad when we can justify everything? relativism may be tres cool on the surface, but there are no degrees of scale when everything is grey. there is no personal culpability in limbo.
how far from total depravity are any of us anyway. i like to think that the ability to regret is a kind of measure. it hints at conscience at least.
so maybe it's not such a curse after all.
Thursday, April 15
Tuesday, April 13
before i go into it, i have to point out how unfortunate it is that so many people mail about issues they feel uncertain about because they don't feel their issues are 'normal'.
sadly none of us are that unique that our darkest thoughts have not been thought or recorded by someone else.
i, for one, have always found huge comfort in that.
anyway. onward and onward...
First off, liking anal does not mean you're gay. being gay does not mean you like anal play. many of my gay friends do not practice penetrative sex. many straight men and women i know enjoy anal play and penetration.
the two aren't mutually inclusive.
but you say you're not gay so much i wonder if you're worried you might be. and so what if you are? i wonder if your bottom fetish includes fantasies about other men? does that make you 'gay'? i don't know. frankly i could be considered 'straight', but looking at other women totally turns me on. does that make me gay? i don't know. do i care? not particularly.
nevertheless, why you're into penetrative anal play could be because the sense of submissive vulnerability turns you on or maybe your enjoyment is simply because it's physically pleasurable (heard of the p-spot? love your prostrate. **check out the little vid, it's quite cool**) - or heck, maybe it's both.
frankly, Bum Loving, you could spend the next 10 years delving into the deep, psychological and physiological reasons behind why you enjoy it, or you can be like millions of other people across the world and just enjoy it. i mean, fuck, i don't question why i have a g-spot that likes to be touched in a certain way. you shouldn't waste time worrying why you like anal penetration -- concentrate on the hows and the 'whys' will become apparent eventually.
as for the dullards that think you're gay the minute you say 'anal' you'll just have to keep looking until you find someone who's mind has evolved past eighth grade, who is compatible and who is willing to explore with you.
check some toys at mantality and find some like-minded people at sexfind and collarme.
Monday, April 12
Donnie 4/12/2010 8:27:02 AM
Maybe Dorothy doesnt know or care about many tragedies plagues our society. For example a well to do morther was planning to emigrate with her teenage duaghter in search of a betteer life. Only to find out thet as a prerequisite for relocation to a particular country was to be HIV negative. Unfortuanately her daughter failed the test and dreams were shattered. All because of giving in to hormonal drives as if human beings are animals. Think again, Dorothy.
um. fucknut donnie - are you for real?
'Unfortuanately her daughter failed the test and dreams were shattered.'
so. let me get this straight. the daughter has HIV and the real concern here is not that she wasn't guided through sex education, not that she was left to make decisions that no one -- least of all HER PARENTS -- had prepared her for and now sits with a terminal disease...
no, no, the problem is that the well-to-do mommy can no longer emigrate. because, verily, that is 'a many tragedies that plagues our society'. what the flying bejesus is wrong with this scenario oh donnie the dimwitted?
chimps. evolving where people like donnie left off.
FUCK. people are screwed up.
Friday, April 9
Is climaxing all that? Sex columnist Dorothy Black thinks so and gets serious about bridging the orgasm gap
This is for my friend, Beatrice.
I had my first orgasm when I was about 11. It happened quite by accident and took me quite by surprise. Who knew the edge of a mattress on a floor could be so entertaining.
I remember being so taken and bewildered by the contractions I was experiencing, but when my body finally relaxed (in what I was later to learn was an endorphin high), I knew I wanted more where that came from.
Naturally, I became a fervent fan of wanking.
Wladyslaw Podkowinskii couldn't be funny about this week's column. i've really vascillated between the argument for and against punting the great orgasm as an end in itself.
but they're just so lovely that it hurts when i hear women talk about being ok with being inorgasmic.
so i thought i'd write about that. susie bright continues to be a really awesome source of context for me.
i think it's important to point out that no woman i know - myself included - orgasms all the time during sex. we're all capable of enjoying sex without the 'pay-off' of a climax.
but that's a different story and includes the fact that guys don't have to climax all the time either and sometimes don't. it doesn't mean the sex is crap.
no, this column was for beatrice and other women who believe they must make peace with the fact that they don't come. it's bs and a waste of valuable pleasure time.
oao plums. this has been the longest four day week in history.
Wednesday, April 7
ok, so it's not that bad.
anti-mehness: the dotspot is on again tomorrow. if you're not yet aware, yours truly is on sasha martinengo's show every thursday at 10.15 in the dotspot, answering the questions you're too embarrassed to ask anyone else.
this time i'll dose up on rescue remedy.
i love homeopathic remedies. especially when they contain 27% alcohol.
tonight i vow to:
- finish my column
- prepare for the show tomorrow so that i do not run the risk of swallowing my tongue
- eat well
- not touch a drop of caffeine
- go to the gym for a sauna
- fall asleep at a decent hour
- drink lots of water
Tuesday, April 6
i've always said that i'm lucky i was never born rich, famous or beautiful. or worse, all three.
i think it's difficult to build a character that's mostly yours if you have those three factors influencing you and your perception of how the world works around you.
i dunno if that's just plebian bourgeoi rambling. but there you go.
i read somewhere that the buddhists believe that in your last incarnation before nirvana you are born to a life of wealth and ease, so that you may be free to pursue a life of spirituality.
naturally it's the toughest test of a lifetime.
so the next time you look upon pics of paris hilton just remember she's almost god. luckily she thinks so too.
Monday, April 5
for that i got a A++ and my father not speaking to me for two weeks.
seems not much has changed.
while i still write about my life, the people i piss off aren't my parents anymore (after all after three decades they are well and truly used to me by now), now it's very often the friends, family and lovers i have in my life.
the people that i write about who make up the reasons and contexts of my stupid little ramblings. the people without whom these stupid little ramblings and thoughts would not exist.
mostly they're ok with it, and sometimes they're not. sometimes i overstep some boundaries of privacy. like the post from sunday morning i deleted. some of you might've read it.
you see, to me, everything is a story. sometimes i forget that there are actual feelings involved. i expect everyone, all of us, to be spectators to this ha ha we call life. in a way it's a way i maintain some form of control over the chaos.
i don't know what part of the story i'm in at the mo, but i'm thinking, in terms of narrative structure i'd like to move from drama to a sort of tragicomedy/romcom affair.
thanks. that is all.
Thursday, April 1
at dinner with the wiatches (labusha, red...) earlier this week and the subject of orgasms came up. see, i've found that i'm pretty lucky in how my physiology's set up - i orgasm pretty easily and can hit a happy note with penetrative sex sans manual stimulation. ie, missionary isn't as dull for me as most.
as you can imagine i'm really enamoured with my vagina because it behaves itself very, very well. which is why the idea of having children at any point is starting to scare me.
i've always thought i'd be all earth mother about it and have natural childbirth.
my friends who have done so report even better orgasms than before, as if squeezing a little human out shifted things around and made the whole happy time happier than ever before.
but what if i'm different? what if it works opposite for me because i have such incredible orgasms now.
what if god punishes me and smites me for my wickedness by taking my easy orgasms away.
so there i was worried about orgasms and talking about their importance and discussing how easy or difficult it is what kind of orgasms we have and where the g-spot is.
it reminded me or convos i've had with other women who talk about not having orgasms and are dejected about it and hopeless about it...
although a lot of women enjoy their bodies and experience wonderful orgasms, it seems that in a world obsessed with body image and over-achieving, woman have added their 'inability to orgasm' to their list of reasons to feel shit about themselves.
TOP REASONS TO FEEL KAK:
dumpy thighs - tick
aunty arms - tick
too small/too big boobs - tick
belly - tick
wrinkles/pimples - tick
wide hips - tick
too much flab/too little muscle tone - tick
too fat/too skinny - tick
grey/mousey/bad hair - tick
and NOW for added displeasure:
cannot orgasm at the drop of his pants - tick
and that list isn't about age. any woman, of any age and size, will point out two or more on this list about why her body sucks.
so. my next column will be about the many forms of O and why i think some sistas need to relax about that rainbow.
oao plums. i am so so thankful it's weekend. need to get priorities in order.