Monday, April 19

my postsecret

i didn't like any of the postcards. so i made my own.

i thought and thought and thought again about posting this. mostly because i'm superstitious that way and believe that whole pagan thing about the threefold law.

maybe that should be the secret: i'm stupidly superstitious. i don't walk under ladders, i make wishes on shooting stars and falling eyelashes. i believe if i say 'cancel, cancel, cancel' i'll make bad thoughts go away.

i believe in magic and ghosts and things unseen.

i believe in karma. i believe science and religion can't explain everything.

i believe some people are just born stupid or evil or both.

i believe some people wilfully keep their eyes shut.

and when these, stupid, bad, blind people do stupid, bad, thoughtless things out of fear or just plain wickedness (because don't kid yourselves my plums, some people are just monsters in disguise -- doesn't matter whether its nature or nurture, once a man is lost to depravity there's no turning back), i want them to feel what i believe is just the worst curse in the world.

to regret something they can't make right.

last night i thought again about some of the not great people that have been in my life. i dreamt about sharks again.

what is the measure of bad when we can justify everything? relativism may be tres cool on the surface, but there are no degrees of scale when everything is grey. there is no personal culpability in limbo.

how far from total depravity are any of us anyway. i like to think that the ability to regret is a kind of measure. it hints at conscience at least.

so maybe it's not such a curse after all.



kyknoord said...

That's a pretty powerful curse. You might want to dial back the intensity a bit, because I think some of it splashed on me and fuck, it burns.

dorothy said...

yeah. it is actually the worst kind of curse isn't it? i'm petrified of regretting anything that i can't make right.

Sparky said...

"once a man is lost to depravity there's no turning back"

damn it.
*kicks dirt*

Suki lock said...

You have no idea how relevant this is to how I feel.

Then maybe, you do.

*Looks suspiciously over shoulder.*

dorothy said...

@ suki :)