Thursday, May 13

women against abuse

i love her beyonceness. there's just no way around the fact that this sister is kicking it.

as far as modern female icons go she's the freaking bomb. She advocates for strong, successful, financially independent women without going all feminazi on us. And she got booty.

booty. she got it.

her beyonceness' gospel preaches that if woman be driven towards beauty, sex, money, independence and success she being be doing it for herself.

not as a reaction to Mr Man or to prove to Mr Man she's all that or to win the affections of Mr Man.

which is very different to what happens on the ground most of the time.

cos here in the year of our lord 2010, girls are made to be women who've been taught that to be accepted, the only thing they should do is look pretty and act pretty, be polite and not rock the boat.

attitudes are not nutured for strength, self-thought, individuality or opinion. attitudes are nutured to 'fit in'. because OMG!! no one wants to be left out of the 'cool group'.

where's lady gaga?...

no matter how our girl/women magazines like to pretend they're all up there with promoting the modern women, the message is clear : whatever you do is to perfect yourself for your man and everyone else.
....oh here she is

from a young age, the question to the women is never: what do you want?

the question is: what can you do/improve/change/accept to make sure everyone gets what they want ... which, when they get it, will make you all the more attractive - to the boys, your boss, your friends, a salesperson...

worse, there are parents - often mothers in particular - who actively break their daughters down in a nasty act of projecting their own self-loathing.

i actually can't say it any better than aunty alexyss:

we are not taught to be strong, proud or nuturing towards ourselves and others.

we are not taught to be mentally and financially independent without having to emulate the masculine.

to do so is to open ourselves to ignorant criticism of being frigid 'feminists' (hiss, hiss, spit, spit) or worse, LESBIANS!!! (shock shock horror horror).

(unless you can do so wearing stilettos and looking like her beyonceness. anyway. for the rest of us...)

while a woman may feel she is responsible for every shit thing that comes into her life -- she didn't act right, look right, voice her opinion right (maybe she was too loud or maybe she wasn't loud enough) -- she also feels like she cannot affect change on her environment.

she hasn't been given the mental and spiritual (and by that i mean of the spirit, not religious) tools to do so.

so when these women get stuck in abusive relationships they feel disempowered to make the decisions they need to to get themselves out. the abuser has found a perfect handle on this victim mentality.

the worst part is that no women -- no matter how strong she thinks she is -- really knows how she will react when she is hit for the first time.

they don't have the courage because they've never been given the platform or encouragement to explore and trust their own strength in relationships or in conflict.

'don't rock the boat...' 'you must understand...' 'just don't make it worse...' 'don't go all "woman" on it now!...'

so when faced with the mammoth decision to leave an abusive relationship, they simply don't know how.

my blood boils when people say: well, the fuck, if it's SO kak, why doesn't she just leave.

it is such an ignorant comment. SO stupid. SO insensitive to the nuances of emotional, financial and physical abuse... that i'm always amazed the person (and they're OFTEN women) has managed to cheat evolution.

someone asked me after the dotspot what you would do if the women didn't want to leave, if she kept on going back... i have no freaking idea. i know there are some women so damaged and destroyed that this is the only 'love' they know how to receive.

but i suspect i would want her children taken away. if you know that children are being subjected to this violence in the house, it's tantamount to child abuse.

anyway plums. this was a much longer post than i expected to write.

if you're being abused, get help. there is help available. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

for saffas: call the national women abuse hotline for advice on your course of action going forward : 0800 150 150 or go to POWA : people opposing women abuse.

you are not alone


Sparky said...

this is why I say every woman should take up a martial art of some kind.

not only from the confidence and pride in yourself that it inspires, but it also teaches you what to do when you get hit. yes, getting hit hurts, but it also motivates you to protect yourself...and with a martial arts knowledge, you can certainly castrate the asshole laying in the abuse.

this doesn't apply to women who hit first though. any woman who does that isn't worthy of the respect one should afford a woman, and deserves all that comes to her.

dorothy said...

@sparky - i get you on the martial art thing...but the 'deserves all she's got coming to her'... hmm
i have a problem with that. that's a pretty open-ended invitation to what would be a very unequal test of strength

Sparky said...

yeah, I know. sorry.
I just think there are certain rules we should all live by. a man should never lift a hand to woman, just because they're stronger, doesn't mean they have to prove it. however, I also believe that women shouldn't use violence against men either.

even a dog will defend itself when provoked.

however in retrospect, you are right. this is probably not the right forum for those comments. apologies if I put forth the wrong image.

hurting women BAD! (especially if they're yelling out the safe word)

dorothy said...

nah i get it - women can be abusive also.

a friend of mine pushed his ex and grabbed her hard on the arm (hard enough to bruise badly) and shoved her out the room, smacking her away...

she laid a charge of assualt without mentioning that she had attacked - physically - my friend's GF first (while they were sleeping) and was going psycho - jumping on them, hitting, screaming, punching, kicking, scratching...

she dropped it quickly enough after the hangover wore off after three days and she received her own charge

Sparky said...

ha ha...awesome.
*two thumbs up*

Anonymous said...

Men who hit women are not men. And they never will be. The scorn and derision. Heaped.

speedhakoo said...

great post.given the crazy high levels of gender based violence we have I find it so scary that they now want to send young unemployed guys to the army so they can become the "real men" we know armies breed, as if we need more of that kind of energy around and still, still women are expected to make the changes - don't take risks, don't dress like that it'll send the wrong message all that shit. growl growl feminazi-like growl