Wednesday, September 8

the problem with writing about sex

see the big deal with the tuesday date with the HEB (highly eligible bachelor... keep up plums) column reader is the following: he's a column reader.

the imagination is a beautiful thing and can make up golden worlds based on a nugget of grey information. it's the day-to-day alchemy our brains perform that makes living mostly ok. without it religion wouldn't survive and top billing wouldn't make money.

where're the muslims?

how does this pertain to me and dating readers? the imagination is easily offended by reality. usually when i meet someone in really real life who's read my column i get this kinda reaction:

i think its because in their heads they've got me pegged somewhere between SATC and a pay-TV D-list porn starlett (the latter more so if they're Christian...).

girls mostly think this


guys mostly think this

Needless to say, without fail, I will get 'my GOD, you're just so... so... NORMAL'.

yeah. tell that to my parents.

then there's also the not telling someone when you meet them or a first date thing, like:

he: so, whatdya do?
me: oh, i write
he: write what?
me: oh just some magazine stuff, you know...
he: oh that's cool...

the end.

now if it'd gone like this:

he: so, whatdya do?
me: oh, i write
he: write what?
me: oh just some magazine stuff and a sex column

one, or all, of the next three things will happen:

1. Their little eyes light up like sunbeams for Jesus
2. They suddenly assume you're a nympho
3. They're intimidated.

then, between that revelation and the next meeting, mr man will have trawled the columns and/or blog and suddenly assumption replaces proper interaction and and and and....


so gito and i decided a while back that the best cure for this problem is to tweek the fight club rulz.

The first rule of being a sex columnist is :
You do not tell the dude you're a sex columnist.
The second rule of being a sex columnist is : You do not tell the dude you're a sex columnist.

it's like people expecting durden, when really i'm more norton as The Narrator. but, i like to think, that instead of being The Narrator when he's bat-shit crazy, i'm him after he blows his face off.

JACK Do something for me.
JACK Appreciate something.


Look at me...
JACK My eyes are open.


so why am i breaking a rule and going to dinner with HEB? because, as he suggested, it would be interesting to see things from an older, starter-wifed, very successful HEB's perspective.

we'll see.


cassey said...

If it helps you come across as normal on your blog and twitter. I hope you have fun with HEB.

Sparky said...

have at him, young lady...have at him.

Anonymous said...

But on the plus side, at least you know he can read.

dorothy said...

cassey - i'm not sure if that's something i'm comfortable with either :)

sparky - dude - dinner - mail

KN - true. and it appears he has manners. i'm quite optimistic...

Sparky said...

dorothy - dahling - on vacation - call / sms me

Holly Vegas said...

Soooo how did it go???

dorothy said...

it was good. yeah, it was good as far as dates go. he's really interesting and has done amazing stuff, but not really a gut thing ya know...

Holly Vegas said...

I feel you, they may be the most interesting person in the world but unfortunately if there is no spark there is no spark. 80 days and counting, self imposed mantox/drought is starting to turn me a slighter shade of purple but I have to try something different, I dont know what else there is left to do, maybe being a good girl works who the hell knows anymore. I shall document and report back ha ha