Sunday, May 30
THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK
i am amazed at the vehemence levelled at me regarding this column. by readers and friends alike. even though i clearly state that i have no issue per se with skin (considering the majority of my lovers weren't cut) or that i don't support making the decision for another human.
if you haven't read the column, checkit here .
here is one of the offending lines in the column:
'Wrap your head around the fact that FGM is the same as male castration.'
One reader kindly pointed out that i needed an anatomy lesson:
EQUAL: ... the testicles when removed (castrated) would be analogous to the ovaries being removed on women. Just saying that you are clearly retarded. And i hope you have your genitals cut without your permission.
(thanks guy. cos it's not like i said: 'Which doesn’t mean I’d make the choice for another human, like a baby or something.')
so i respond:
ME: the point made with the castration v circumcision analogy with women had more to do with the pleasure principle of sex than the biology of reproduction
men can still get an erection and orgasm when castrated their ability to do so is greatly diminished
her ability to orgasm and enjoy sex is practically destroyed when she is circumcised
EQUAL: ...99% of the people who support circumcision have no clue how debilitating it really is, and it really is sickening that people justify MGM to FGM because they think one is worse than the other.
i'll reply to this here.
i agree that there is no way people who have not been circumcised will understand the level of debilitation. However, men with cut penises seem, surprisingly, IMHO, to still enjoy sex very very much.
while i believe both practises to have started for the same reason - and at the risk of 'girl pain is worse than boy pain' - i do not think that FGM and circumcision are in the same league of fucked up, whether they run by the same name or not.
at least we can console ourselves that there are levels of FGM and the most tame is cutting out the clitoris.
go to winds of jihad for some info on FGM.
so i'll try to keep this short and sweet.
the column about circumcision pissed a lot of people off.
i love a good debate and i love differing opinions. that's why i do what i do. but don't give me a shit argument.
so. to whit. this response. in two parts.
let me reiterate, the women24 column is a LIGHTHEARTED, FUNNY HA HA piece written by me, a pretty AVERAGE, URBAN, WHITE CHICK, about sex shit I LIKE TO OPINE ABOUT.
it is not
a) meant to be a thesis or research document into pressing matters about penis length or the presence or abscence or pubes. i try to be as encompassing as possible and as measured as possible, but ultimately there is only so much one can say in 600 words and still keep people entertained.
b) meant to be a blanket overview into sex from everybody's fucking point of view. i cannot hope to appeal or placate or amuse or agree or represent everyone from gay men to teenagers in gugs.
'journalistic responsibility always seems to be so relative to who has a problem with what'
c) i am not a sexologist or therapist. i am the least well-paid of the occupational ists. if you're pissed off that my opinion about shit i'm experiencing in my life isn't backed by a degree, i suggest you never level another argument or opinion in public convos for which you are not properly qualified.
these are not points for debate. they're lame jabs. if you're going to mail me and clog up my inbox please, please make sure that you're sufficiently secure in the belief that your argument doesn't start - or contain - any of the above jabber.
i love you plums. but seriously.
Wednesday, May 26
Many (many, many) years back, when I was still inexperienced in the ways of love, I found myself confronted with an unpleasant reality posed by the opposite sex.
Sitting in the front seat of the car with a new boy after a romantic date of salt ‘n’ vinegar popcorn and a film, I decided to move in and assess the situation.
After my closest approximation of foreplay – and once I was certain that the boy was beside himself with desire – I unzipped the manly package to see what I could see.
Before visuals could come into range, I was beset by truly nasty peen stank.
women24 used this pic. i never use their pics. but this one...well, well what can one say...
i was shouted at the other day for objectifying men's bodies and who i am to make them out to be nothing more than dicks and who do i think i am to deliver my stupid commentary about men's manhood etc etc etc
naturally i was a little surprised.
i just took my cue from what men have been doing to women for last few thousand years of human-ness and civilisation.
Friday, May 21
because You Know What They Say :
if it happens once, it won't happen again; but if it happens a second time, you can be sure it'll happen a third...
Monday, May 17
Thursday, May 13
i love her beyonceness. there's just no way around the fact that this sister is kicking it.
as far as modern female icons go she's the freaking bomb. She advocates for strong, successful, financially independent women without going all feminazi on us. And she got booty.
her beyonceness' gospel preaches that if woman be driven towards beauty, sex, money, independence and success she being be doing it for herself.
not as a reaction to Mr Man or to prove to Mr Man she's all that or to win the affections of Mr Man.
which is very different to what happens on the ground most of the time.
cos here in the year of our lord 2010, girls are made to be women who've been taught that to be accepted, the only thing they should do is look pretty and act pretty, be polite and not rock the boat.
attitudes are not nutured for strength, self-thought, individuality or opinion. attitudes are nutured to 'fit in'. because OMG!! no one wants to be left out of the 'cool group'.
no matter how our girl/women magazines like to pretend they're all up there with promoting the modern women, the message is clear : whatever you do is to perfect yourself for your man and everyone else.
from a young age, the question to the women is never: what do you want?
the question is: what can you do/improve/change/accept to make sure everyone gets what they want ... which, when they get it, will make you all the more attractive - to the boys, your boss, your friends, a salesperson...
worse, there are parents - often mothers in particular - who actively break their daughters down in a nasty act of projecting their own self-loathing.
i actually can't say it any better than aunty alexyss:
we are not taught to be strong, proud or nuturing towards ourselves and others.
we are not taught to be mentally and financially independent without having to emulate the masculine.
to do so is to open ourselves to ignorant criticism of being frigid 'feminists' (hiss, hiss, spit, spit) or worse, LESBIANS!!! (shock shock horror horror).
(unless you can do so wearing stilettos and looking like her beyonceness. anyway. for the rest of us...)
while a woman may feel she is responsible for every shit thing that comes into her life -- she didn't act right, look right, voice her opinion right (maybe she was too loud or maybe she wasn't loud enough) -- she also feels like she cannot affect change on her environment.
she hasn't been given the mental and spiritual (and by that i mean of the spirit, not religious) tools to do so.
so when these women get stuck in abusive relationships they feel disempowered to make the decisions they need to to get themselves out. the abuser has found a perfect handle on this victim mentality.
the worst part is that no women -- no matter how strong she thinks she is -- really knows how she will react when she is hit for the first time.
they don't have the courage because they've never been given the platform or encouragement to explore and trust their own strength in relationships or in conflict.
'don't rock the boat...' 'you must understand...' 'just don't make it worse...' 'don't go all "woman" on it now!...'
so when faced with the mammoth decision to leave an abusive relationship, they simply don't know how.
my blood boils when people say: well, the fuck, if it's SO kak, why doesn't she just leave.
it is such an ignorant comment. SO stupid. SO insensitive to the nuances of emotional, financial and physical abuse... that i'm always amazed the person (and they're OFTEN women) has managed to cheat evolution.
someone asked me after the dotspot what you would do if the women didn't want to leave, if she kept on going back... i have no freaking idea. i know there are some women so damaged and destroyed that this is the only 'love' they know how to receive.
but i suspect i would want her children taken away. if you know that children are being subjected to this violence in the house, it's tantamount to child abuse.
anyway plums. this was a much longer post than i expected to write.
if you're being abused, get help. there is help available. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
for saffas: call the national women abuse hotline for advice on your course of action going forward : 0800 150 150 or go to POWA : people opposing women abuse.
you are not alone
Monday, May 10
i know it's always been a bit of a middle-ground, god-fearing publiction. which weekly compendium of saffa culture wouldn't be. i didn't mind though. not until recently anyway.
i found this easter edition of the YOU bible lying around the house we went to in church haven.
indeed. how was jesus crucified?? (double exclamation marks for emphasis peeps!!!) apparently the creator of this horrifying piece of mel gibson inspired fantasy knows exactly.
they drove a nail exactly 12 cm at a diagonal into jesus' hand in a manner that would make a lot of kinksters hot under their collars...
and then my favourite detail
i think this is fucking horrifying. the only explanation is that people are bored and have to push the boundaries cos they can't do fuck-all with muhammed in case they get killed.
so jesus will have to do. forever the martyr. goooo jesus!
and people wonder why i chose father christmas over this bloodied corpse.
Sunday, May 9
happy mothers day ya'alz.
(i wrote about mom's day last year. lookit.)
Wednesday, May 5
'So. You wanna get naked? :)’
It was 9 pm on a Thursday night and I’d just gotten out of the bath when my phone beeped through this message.
It was from Mr Player and I wasn't at all surprised. He'd zeroed in a few weeks back and the flirt had started flatlining. It was clearly time to kick it up a level. I didn't respond. He amuses me but I don't do players, generally speaking. They're different breed all on their own. Read more...
when tiger got 'caught' for being the lame-ass he is, trump made a comment that he should divorce his wife and embrace the life of a player -- travelling the world, playing golf, partying and fucking like it's December 2012.
i mean, why the fuck not?
instead, he chose not to grow the balls the opportunity of being found out presented him and like some loser staged a well-rehearsed apology, went to therapy (under duress) and made a creepy Nike advert.
i don't care about tiger, or joost, or letterman (although kudos to him for how he handled it), or mr bullock or any of the other dumb nuts too pussy to 'fess up to their choices.
i'm interested in WHY they feel they need to lie about it and whether we should all just come to grips with the fact that maybe, just maybe, we're not meant for a life-time of monogamy.
and saying shit like - well you know, some animals like the swan mate for life, is just bs. to that i say, the average lifespan of a swan in the wild is 7 years.
most relationships can't manage past seven months, let alone marriages of 20 or 50 years. those are rare and should be applauded. or looked at oddly.
so unless you have the same brain capacity of a pretty bird with a foul temper you might need more to stimulate you than eating, sleeping, waddling, flying, swimming and fucking... (though, now that i type that out, that really does sound kinda fun and busy-making...)
anyway. they don't have social media or iPhones.