Wednesday, March 2

cheating hearts

Think you should be the only one your partner desires? Dorothy Black thinks unrealistic expectations might make fidelity and monogamy a bitter pill to swallow.
Confession time. I've cheated on partners before. Not often. Not as a rule. But it's certainly happened. In the past, though, I wouldn't call it cheating, I'd call it 'little, drunken run-ins'. I wouldn't call it lying, I'd call it 'simply not telling'. Not surprisingly, the lines between what's cool and not-so-cool in the Book of Good Couples Conduct became a little blurred over the years. Read more...


ooo this column had the twitter tongues wagging. i think a lot of the point was missed though.

see, it's like this: i think it's natural to be attracted to many different people. but sometimes, those attractions become more than just momentary flirts. they become objects of fantasy that use the energy (mental, emotional and physical) and time that could be spent on our existing relationships. i think, that if you're in a long-term monogamous relationship, that it's best to nuture a culture of honesty where you can tell your partner that you feel this sort of attraction for someone else, before it becomes a secret, before it can do lasting damage.

see, the thing with affairs and real, long-term cheating and lying is that the magic that is made by all the secret naughtiness is blown out of the water the minute you bring it into the light with your partner.

that's what i mean by honesty, kyknoord.

Read the full column here...

5 comments:

kyknoord said...

Trust is terribly important. I want to be able to trust my partner to keep his/her infidelities (of whatever shape, colour or form) to him/herself. I am not here to provide absolution.

dorothy said...

i think you miss the point...

kyknoord said...

When have I ever not? You should be pleased that I'm even on topic.

The Scarlet Veil said...

Very true Dot. My wife and I are very close, but still, I wouldn't be able to tell her that I that I could also find another woman attractive. I would like that to change though, just have to be very careful how I approach it. We have spoken about fantasies and we do watch porn togther, so maybe that's a way of introducing it, asking her who she thinks is hot in one of our movies?

Anonymous said...

From the comments I have read in response to this article, it is just more of the same, people imposing their idea of how one should live, or approach a relationship, on others. Who is to say what is normal, and why do people feel a need to justify their viewpoints with general "facts" such as it not being in our nature to be monogamous, that we have the need to procreate with as many people as possible. Why the justification, if you choose to live your life that way, by those rules...

At the end of the day we all have to live according to our own moral compass, and as long as it doesn't impact negatively on those around us, on other people, then who is to say what you should and should not do.

Personally, I believe in honesty, so if a couple decide to have an open relationship, or more than one partner at one time - as long as there are open lines of communication and full transparency, then why the hell not let other people live how they choose to live. We only have one life, as far as we know it, so determine the bearings of your own moral compass, and don't let other people's ideals etc force you into a particular life mold.

Live and let live.