Monday, January 31

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

oh lord. isallimsaying.

yawn

and yawn, with a big dose of the fuck?! for really reals? great bananas that's depressing.

this one was funny though. what would you rather do? go bald or go boob?
i've done both.

ag i just feel like i'm getting all judgemental on these stupid boring-ass postsecrets. i don't mean to be, but i'm such a nice person generally (for those that disagree you're welcome to send emails outlining your problems wrt me, with details of where you live and what you consider your most prized possession/person you most love) that i have to vent spleen somewhere.

so. sadly. i've just read that myideaofsex is stopping/closing down. turns out the administrator of the site is being boring/going to get a life so what can you do. i was flipping through the site when i found this pic:

I HAVE THAT EXACT SAME SCARF DUDES! much seriousness. it's like god is telling me something but i can't quite figure what it is yet...


Friday, January 28

marcel the shell with shoes on

kyknoord sent this to me the other day. he's a funny guy. sometimes. my fave line: i also have shoes and a face...so...i like that about myself...




happy friday funny plums
dot
xx

Thursday, January 27

gays are still evil

i live in CT and surround myself with intelligent people so i often forget that the world is still full of homophobes, remembering only every so often when some backward up-continent country makes the news by jailing homosexuals (i'm talking to you uganda).

and then i saw this on Dlisted:

Turns out a Harps in Arkansas needed to cover an Us mag headlining elton, his partner and their new baby with a 'family shield' to protect the cheeeldren from the obscenity that is same-gendered love. or whatever that is. cos it's different to the love shared by those bastions of heteronormativity, bragelina or tom-kat.

here's what was on the cover:

i typed in 'satan evil blood death murder' for this. i was disappointed with the selection.

ha ha ha, no only kidding. it was way worse:

a happy, healthy, well-dressed couple holding a CUTE, SLEEPING BABY!!!!! these two embodiments of evil have been together since 1993.

'scared scream fear run cry'

read what michael k has to say about it and a statement by Harps here or look at some more pictures of vile bliss here.

if you read my blog i'm going to assume that you're a human of Some Brain. So let's pause together for a moment and pat ourselves on the backs for not being stupid people.

Wednesday, January 26

helloooo sailor

so i don't usually do this 'i went here, i went there' thing, BUT i went here over the weekend. Hello Sailor in obs, cape town. (it's quite cute, although i expected something a little more punchy for the interior. as it is, it's a little more quiet bistro than bold raunchiness.)

i don't really venture into obs much anymore. it's too confused about what it wants to be. if i do go, i go to visit the chefs, eat sushi at house 1890 or breakfast at mimis (thought i'd get some of my 'i go here i go there' thing in in one blog. snappy no?).

but now, i might also go for a yummy at hello sailor cos the food is pretty damn good.

BUT this is not why i blog now. no. i blog about the pickleback.

a pickleback is a shot of bourbon chased with a shot of pickle brine - that vinegary juice that gherkins come in.

erm. yummo?

obviously you don't get all the bits of spice-making oddities in your juice - just the strained tarty goodness. i'm not an adventurous eater. not by a long shot. i can eat lentils and rice for days on end. so this combo was enough to make my brain churn.

however.

it's quite ... weird ... and good ... and then weird again ... but then good again and makes a peculiar sort of sense. at least once it's in your mouth and you've swallowed it. the flavours actually work together.

i know, i know. ya'll be thinking something along the lines of 'one's palate is compromised after much consumption of liquor' or 'that crazy owner got one over on you you stupid buffoon', but even the new york times magazine has something to say about the pickleback. check it: case study | got your pickeback.


so there. thinky people have written COLUMNS about this drink. if you're in CT, stop at hello sailor and tell ryan to give you a pickleback. and then a tomato bolognaise. and then eat some food. but maybe before all of that, just ease your tastebuds into it with a few beers or something.

tomato bolognaise
i don't even know what was in this apart from tomato juice


oao plums, i'll more later.
dot
x

Tuesday, January 25

fuck your honda civic


!I'VE A HORSE OUTSIDE!

there are few things cooler than this. the rubberbandits are like the irish version of jack parow. maybe. if jack parow were that cool.



the lyrics in case you didn't get all of that...

I'm at Amanda's weddin, In a church on Thomas Street
I'm lookin at a bridesmaid, and she lookin back at me
............, ask her if she wants a lift
back to the hotel, anything goeS, well finger and a shift
She says Fitzy drives a Mitzy, and he offered me a spin
Enda have a Honda, so I might just go with him
and Darren ...... , in his Subaru
so what the fuck would make you think I'd wanna go with you

I said Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've got a horse outside

She said I don't believe ya
I said it's fuckin true
I swapped him for a bag of yokes in 1992
I don't need insurance, I don't need no parkin space
and if you try to clamp my horse he'll kick you in the face
I don't pay no tax, fuck NCT
you'll arrive in style if you ride with me
and the boys are walkin over, jinglin their keys
I look the fuckers up and down and give them one of these

I said Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've a horse outside

Giddy up now baby, bless my soul
I rode the fucker round a field back since he was a foal
He runs a bit like Shergar, and he jumps like Tir na nOg
He looks like Billy Piper after half an ounce of coke
and the boys are lookin jealous, as I lead yer one away
and just before I close the door I look at her and say
Would you be my girl, and she says I will of course
if ya grab me by the ponytail and ride me like a horse
ya!

Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've a horse outside

Monday, January 24

a pussy, a postsecret and a pretty almostSFW pic


this is why i didn't blog earlier today (tomorrow by the time you read this). i got me mom a kitty from darg. (they're really great btw.) spent the day cuddling and petting and stroking and loving. but that was only after i had a meeting with the forge . that's right my pretty plums, my blog is finally growing up and becoming a real website at wordpress :).

anyhoozle. this is the best postsecret could come up with this week. yawn.

an ex told me once -- when i was trying to be goth -- that i'd simply never pull it off because i smiled too much. rubbish. i'm MEAN and HARDCORE and SULLEN. goddamit.

and the kinda NSFW pic. i think it's really pretty.

geekyvamp

oao plums
have a great tuesday
x

Friday, January 21

hop! hop!! HOPLA!!!

somewhere in 2005 i was sitting in my penthouse apartment in the verdant mountains of taiwan* on a rainy sunday afternoon.

i got a call from a friend who was in love and sexing it up with his new bella amante. because he was compelled to spend the rest of the evening with her legs wrapped around him, he wanted to know if i would like to have his ticket to a show in taipei by this dude named goran bregovic.

sure. why not. i was bored.

A few peeps i knew where hopping on a bus to make the hour and something trip there, so i went. this is what happened to my brain during that show:


from the moment the music started i was crying. you know how there's some music or scents or places or scenes that just speak right to your soul?

like you can't think about it, you just experience it in your gut, like you're plugged into the petrol pump of life and you're filling up on something ethereal and good and nourishing...

the stage looked pretty much like this - it was so sparse i was expecting, well, not much. The auditorium was only a quarter full, the lights were bright, people sat around waiting for the show to start, chatting, laughing...

and then, from behind us, two trumpet players playing this simple melody came walking down the two aisles that flanked the main bulk of seating... one after another, they were followed by the other wind instruments, each adding to the original melody, deepening it, filling up the space with sound...

when the final big snaky bass added and they were all on the stage, this little man came bounding in and HOP HOP the show started...



no recording i've heard, no cd i have, comes within 20 kms of the live performance

i started crying and didn't stop till the end - i was, not lightly, blown away. when i came back to SA a year later i went to my first balkanology. people had caught onto the whole balkan/slavic/'gypsy' music thing - whether it was through movies, better DJs or move accessible bands like gogol bordello i don't know. but i was very pleased. the band that featured was a bit kak and the chick singer ripped ederlezi to shreds, but i was pleased.



how ederlezi should be sung

but the next year balkanology had become hip and i didn't like the hipster people that seemed to be going so i never went again. last night, on the way to look at a kitteh for momma black (i've totally appropriated that, thanks @crustyww), i heard balkan beat box and dj maoriginal on the Fresh Drive.

all i can say is:

where the fuck have i been plums? WHERE. THE. FUCK.

question mark.

under it.

cos these guys -- dj maoriginal specifically for the incredible, earTASTIC mix -- are fracking grooviness reinfrakingcarnated.



balkan beat box

now that my eyes have adjusted to the bright light that is The Now, i shall be attending balkanology again tonight, for the first time since, well, the first time.

i am EXCITE.

*actually it was the muggy, tiled, attic room of a five-floor house. i thought i'd just throw that it for a little flair. but it was a verdant mountain.

Thursday, January 20

the most amazing random heart

got this from @jadetaylorcooke from cupoftea. it's the best random heart i've ever seen. also, it's from that faraway place called botswana, or as i prefer to call it, botswanes. i don't know why. so don't ask. DON'T. stop asking. STOPIT.

*sigh*

actually i was going to add this to my random hearts page but i needed something quick to blog about before the show so that the first thing people see when they come to the site isn't that 'incredibly offensive' 'ned calls' post ... i like people to think i'm nice for at LEAST 20 seconds after clicking on my page (though, seriously, checkit. it's sooper funnai.)

anyway. gotta go.

hugs and bunnies,
dot
x

Wednesday, January 19

ned calls...

got this from sparky this morning.

warning:
it is VERY UN-PC AND STEREOTYPES HOMOSEXUALS

but -- as he said -- i DARE you not to split sides laughing





ned is like south africa's whackhead simpson dude, except much funnier. google 'ned calls' for more of his fabulousness...

Monday, January 17

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

so postsecret started off lame (again ... 'i said no to drugs cos i thought harry potter would disapprove' ?! the fuck ?!) and then got good towards the end... these two i would consider secrets...


and now for YOUR NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK pics. did you hear that? let me say it again...

NOT
SUITABLE
FOR
WORK

so don't be mailing me freaking-out mails about how john from accounts ratted your ass out for checking out porn at work.


after last week's 'how big should a good penis be (13 january)' dotspot on 5FM, i found this pic. THIS IS TOO BIG in case you were wondering. i don't need sperm delivered direct to my uterus and blowjobs are a pain in the throat.

(dudes, if you ever feel intimated by those big pieces of man-beef whose muscles threaten to bend the space-time continuum if they expand any further, go here to see what steroids does to create small and sad little peens...)


eeek can't remember where i found this

i think what the world needs is some more cunninglingus shots. to balance out the reams and reams of ginormica penis images with strings of cum everywhere. balance, ya know. cos i'm zen that way.

anyhoozle.

thanks to everyone that's playing the 'what does dot look like game' on twitter. it's not a very good game, but it amuses me and i'm going to be blogging about it soon - the whole perception/reality, fat/thin issue you know...

love and piglets
dot
x

Friday, January 14

suicide bunny

so i must admit that this week was a big GRUMP. not to say that i'm not delightful and a charm to be around when i'm experiencing a GRUMP. it's just that i tend to want to nap more. and snap more... (5 minutes later... i tried to get all suess but it didn't work... i could only come up with 'crap more' and, frankly, it just wouldn't be true.)

cos i can't write and have reverted to calling everything 'thingies' and places 'that place' or 'somewhere' and people 'mutherfuckers' i thought i'd have a friday funny with a hint of the macabre.


Thursday, January 13

forever fucked up

so in my week of moan, we'll just stick with middle america and the type of people who'd follow cindy jacobs, shovel mcdonalds into their garps and shop at walmart.

for every time you've wish to be a baby again - the adult onesie: the forever lazy. with zips on the side and front for when you need to pee pee or poo poo (we're not QUITE at the wearing nappies stage... manufacturers are waiting to blow that baby out the water for the christmas season)...


watch the video for a laugh. seriously. you can't make this shit up. for at least 1 minute 59 seconds i thought this was a joke. but by the time the ad ended at 2:01, i knew that the places where grown people wear onesies is where dignity goes to die.




and people got their knickers in a knot when wall-e portrayed 'obesity in a negative light' (for shame slate!).


size zeros are as terrifying frankly. but if there's any middle-ground to be reached, onesies won't get us there.

actually though, they might be right up cindy jacobs' alley. if you NEVER want to have sex with your partner again, or would like to watch the slow and embarrassing demise of your pride, sexuality and youth, get a forever lazy.

Wednesday, January 12

those crazy christians

so i'm on a bit of a pluck with religion this week it seems. its an easy target and i'm too lazy in brain and busy with other things to fight it.

anyway.

twitter sent this clip of cindy jacobs, a prophet of the lord jesus christ and a 'general' of her ministry 'generals international' (the website doesn't seem to be working, but you can find more about her at www.rightwingwatch.org. of course.)

what a funny person:



this is the reason science laughs at believers. 'But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe...'

clear proof that the birds falling had something to do with the man, whose name is beebe, who let the gays do something or another...

'What happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles? Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us – for instance, violent storms, flooding...'

are you fucking me?

i have my own set of beliefs and ponderances about the nature of life, the universe and everything, but i'm pretty sure that if there is a god force out there my little human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend it much or be able to speak for it and its human-like principles.

and i think it far too arrogant to imagine that we, humans, know all there is to know to be able to dispute, irrefutably, anything that science cannot see. a couple of hundred years ago science told us the earth was flat, so...

i argue a lot with c, a mate of mine that is fantastically agnostic, bordering on atheisism. where dear cindy is hoodwinked by religion, i fear c is blinkered by science. all i know is that i would rather have a fanatical atheist running the show than a fanatical religionista.

a bit cursory, but still. what about this one...

isreali air strike in gaza

one of my favourite online comics used to be russell's teapot, a now defunct (sadly) site cos the creator has decided to go and leave college and do important things. he hasn't left his site up, oddly. so this is one of the only ones i could find on the interwebs:


ag, you know, killing and stupidity isn't only the reserve of the religionistas. the commies weren't so great either. and i guess really it's all about ideologies.

khmer rouge, cambodia

the rwandan genocide
etc
etc
etc
etc
etc


why can't we all just get along? happy wednesday plums!
xx

Tuesday, January 11

free your mind

scootered in to work today with my anthem for the day/week/year/life - en vogue's 'free your mind'. it's not the deepest song in the whole world. it's no dylan. nevertheless, i like vibe of it and the lyrics ... i like singing along to it and feeling all hardcore and realz and stuff like only a white leftie in south africa can when listening to a song about prejudice. this only works on a scooter though... so...

a little power song for the day - i'm on deadline so blogs might be few and far between.






love and fluffy things,
dot

Sunday, January 9

postsecret pics of the week

this is why religion can be so kak (reason #54 670)

what a waste. jissus. god will be angry with you? what are we? 5 years old? if there's anything that's fucked with being human and enjoying humanness more than anything it's religion...

after a particularly hectic relationship that enjoyed an end largely determined by the fact that i wasn't into churchianty and my lover was, i decided i would never get involved with someone who put an idea of god/yaweh/krishna/mohammed/buddha/the bunny rabbit/guru/jesus/whatever before actually living a life. the person who wrote this postsecret should be kicking themselves with the same ferocity of self-righteousness that they implicated their 'the one' with. arsehole. not that i'm bitter or anything. #justsaying etc etc

a memory: a coffee shop in york with martin. we start talking randomly when i ask him for sugar. my table has none. i must have sugar with my coffee and the waitress is too busy on the phone to give a shit. martin has aids and is battling cancer. we talk about his life, my life; my history is the picture of perfect compared to his. he tells me he hopes gayness is nuture not nature. he'd hate to think that it were genetic. if it is, martin says, it won't be long before well-meaning parents are splicing out 'gay' genes at baby gene clinics. it won't be long before we have a world of a-type white men.

i'd have to say i agree with him.

is my sexuality nature or nuture? i believe it's a matter of both. i think any sexual preference is. why should my preference for men or women be any different?

and now, after all that seriousness... my NSFW sex pic(s - missed one last week) of the week!! yayness!

letsgetnaked

i quite like this. but for the shoes. the shoes are so yuck. and then! how funny is this? a doorframe dick. lick, stick and fuck. nice one. very innovative.

myideaofsex

happy sunday evening plums :)

Wednesday, January 5

i love lamp

in case you needed a wednesday funny. Steve Carell as Brick Lamland in the anchorman (just one of the funniest movies in the whole world), herewith...

the best of brick


Tuesday, January 4

picky postsecrets of the week

ya, blah blah blah, they're boring me but i'll post anyway - well, post the ones that i kept correcting in my head...

bulimic

the crap THAT will happen

phallic

i know i make a million grammar mistakes in this here blog and i'm not averse to sms speak on twitter - i'm no grammar nazi on platforms that don't require it... but jirre these bothered me