A CASE OF NERVES

THE DOT SPOT IS LIVE

2011-05-05T16:41:00.000+02:00

dear lovelies, i'll no longer be posting on blogger, but i'll be keeping the content up for a bit, for shits and giggles and because my developers told me to.

and they're pretty smart.

get your butt to the new site!

www.thedotspot.net

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2011-04-26T08:46:00.000+02:00

under

construction

goddammit plums. i just carent get the boogy on with my blog cos at the back of my head is sitting the new site which calls to me, longing to leave the shackles of its dev test site but which cannot do so until? until the hosting has been sorted out. hosting. what a fucking nightmare.

are you missing me?

say you are.

SAY IT.

don't make me come over there and get freaky on you.

i love colours.

my dev and design people do not love this about me.

they'll probably read this at some point.

anyway.

tell me how much you miss me. best ode to dot wins a *big hug*.

ha ha ha.

bcurious

2011-04-19T11:55:00.000+02:00

First impressions
My first introduction to the bcurious was when Cath from Whet held the tip of the little black darling to my hip bone (where you should be testing your vibes, not the tip of your nose) and set the vibe to no. 4. A deep, velvety thuck thuck thuck brrrrrr escalated in waves along my hip bone and down into my pelvic region and I was sold.

it's packaged very nicely although the insert is a little lame and it hides behind the name 'personal massager' and a million disclaimers. typically american.

i love the little bag, it's substantial and discreet in a very unsexy but functional way that says i house a hearing aid, not a sex toy that will blow your o-meter

What it is
The bcurious is a hand held vibe designed specifically for external clitoral and vulva stimulation. From US company, B Swish, this rechargeable, waterproof vibrator is made from odorless PC plastic and coated with black and fuchsia satin soft silicone finish. The whole design is super-slick and very sexy – there’s simply nothing pretty or frivolous about the bcurious. It’s the Dita Von Teese to the cute Pollyanna LayaSpot. Non-phallic, non-penetrative and discreet it doesn’t scream ‘LOOK AT MY SEX TOY’, but as there’s no lock on the on/off switch, so you might want to travel lightly with it.

How it works
Fitting very snugly into the palm of your hand, the whole device slips between your labia, sending pretty powerful vibes over your entire clitoral area. You can use it by yourself or during sex, stimulating your clit and labia while your partner penetrates you.

just before i took it for a spin in the water

What it does
The bcurious is a pretty straightforward vibe, with 7 pretty average speed settings – fast, faster, fastest, some other variation of speed ... except for the magical no 4 – the thuck thuck thuck brrrrrr is quite spectacular. The vibrations are strong enough to work well through clothes but quiet enough to not be heard through doors and walls. The fact that it’s waterproof will make bathtime playtime, if water sports is what you’re into. Just make sure the silicone plug is properly plugged and don’t use any bath oils as this could deteriorate the silicone.

What i thought of it
The happy
The bcurious rechargeable ‘massager’ is surprisingly light and I love how well-designed it is. (Though, if you like some weight behind your vibes, this might not be a plus.) There are curves in all the right places for an easy, effortless grip, and the cheeky tip is just pointy enough to make it a thrilling sensitive-spot-seeker-outter.

perfect curves on the back for your fingers

Frankly there’s not much I don’t like about this little vibe. It does what it sets out to do and does it well. The controls are intuitive and I like that they light up (all the easier to see in a candle-lit bathroom) and that there’s a separate on/off switch, so you don’t have to flip through a million whizzing settings to get to ‘off’ once the business is done. It’s the small things, you know.

The not happy
As I said, there’s not much not to like about this honey. I think if I was going to point anything out it might be that I’d prefer a greater variety of vibe settings. In my opinion, the first one, which is generally supposed to be the lowest setting is pretty hectic as far as speed and power goes. However, many women have said that the vibrations weren’t strong enough for them, so this basically comes down to how strong you need the vibe to be to get off. Also, the hole body is pretty hard, so if you’re going to be grinding, do so with some gentleness.

Should I run out and buy it now?
The bcurious is very good value for money. If you’re new to toys and want an high-quality, entry-level vibe that isn’t an intimidating penetrative job, the bcurious won’t disappoint. If you’ve got a range already but want to upgrade your hand held external stimulator to one that’s smarter, sexier, rechargeable and waterproof, the bcurious is definitely the way to go. So, basically, I love it. Run out and buy it. But even if you don’t, just go try that thuck thuck thuck brrrrrr against your hip bone and then imagine that between your legs. Dreams are made of this.

Stats
1.Made from hard PC plastic and silicone
2.Rechargeable
3.Waterproof
4.Length 10 cm, Width 4 cm
5.About R700 (though this depends on where and how you buy)

oh em geeeeZUZMUTHAFACKIN'

2011-04-15T15:00:00.000+02:00

grr

domain transfers are not so much fun
i've cried three times today

i don't really want to blog until the new site is up

i

am

over

the

fucking

hassle

and the only reason i have to go through this is because SOMEONE at hetzner through a small fit about naked people.

awesome.

fuck you.

saying that, they are being really helpful and they have provided the best service so far. 70% of the frustration is fuelled by the fact that i'm being forced to leave such good service.

fuck.

buscemeyes

2011-04-12T09:12:00.000+02:00

sparky sent this to me just now. chicks with steve buscemi eyes? who thinks this shit up? what kinda drugs are you smoking guy?

nevertheless.

it's pretty genius. it's like facebombing but more labour intensive. checkit>

steve buscemi

natali portman with buscemeyes

tyra banks with buscemeyes
(i think she looks better with crow eyes > clickety click)

the olsen twins with buscemeyes

pink with buscemeyes

see more buscemeyes here [clickety click]. anyhoo i've got a bad case of the deadline.
chat later
dot
oao

postsecret pic of the week

2011-04-10T20:15:00.000+02:00

this week's postsecret selection is so brilliant it was difficult to choose, but these were the ones i like...

this woman clearly wants to be my 1950s housewife.
remember this post? [clickety click]

aaah shame *sad face* ... but who hasn't felt this as one point

happy sunday/monday plums!!
dot
x

an unacceptable site

2011-04-08T07:55:00.000+02:00

so plums
hetzner has very courteously kicked me off their servers citing contravention of their acceptable usage policy:

It has been brought to our attention that your website 'thedotspot.net' has connotations of being an adult-orientated site. Hetzner's hosting policies specifically exclude adult-orientated sites. Below please find the extract from our Service Contract which applies to adult-orientated sites: Adult-Oriented Sites (version of 1 August 2007) Adult-oriented sites, designed for entertainment or commercial purposes, are not allowed on Hetzner servers. Forbidden sites include those that provide access to pornographic materials or nudity, whether for free or for payment, regardless of whether adult verification is used or not. For purposes hereof "pornographic materials" is assigned the meaning in the Films and Publications Act 65 of 1996 and "nudity” refers to a person’s intimate parts, but excludes nakedness in a natural and non sexual context, such as breastfeeding. Exceptions are made for educational sites.

what is nakedness in a 'natural' context exactly (apart from breastfeeding, which facebake says is 'obscene' anyway)?

what if it's art?

manet's olympia - a shock to the paris collective in 1865

boucher's leda and the swan - if you recall your classics that's where leda gets raped by zeus disguised as a swan, see how boucher's clever swan looks like a penis (with balls) about to penetrate leda? 1740

Bruce laBruce, Untitled (Pig's Blood Blowjob) 2002 - that's supposed to be jeff koons giving head btw and jeff koons is a BIG, FAMOUS ARTIST who did this...

a whole series of porn parody images that ask the question, when is sex beautiful art and
when is it filthy smut. (that's a real porn star in the pic btw...)

i could post more, but for time constraints.

anyway. very sad about hetzner, because they've given me such excellent service so far. poop.

moving along.

meeting with my developer today who is going to show me the whole new site --- all very excite and hopefully it'll be up and running next week.

ciao plums. hope you have a great weekend.
oao
dot

virginity? screw it.

2011-04-06T09:14:00.000+02:00

Dorothy Black recalls her first time and thinks virginity is, well, so overrated. Agree with her?

It might surprise you to find out that my first sexual liaison was, in fact, not a Bohemian affair of mushrooms, wine and French music. It was not with an older Don Juan who deflowered me on satin and velvet, surrounded by candles, incense and the whispering Pacific tide. I was neither a blushing nor rebellious 16 year old, looking for the meaning of life, the universe and everything in the arms of a lover.

Nope. Not me. Read more...

i want to write more, but the little forge fairies are busy doing magical things like migrating my site to it's new home. EEEEEEKKKKK. i'm so exite i could just platz ya'llz!

oao
dot

postsecret pic of the week

2011-04-03T18:33:00.000+02:00

yeah postsecret was kinda cool this week. to make up for the total lack of blogging of late (and i know how you've been feeling that inexplicable dot-shaped hole in your life from my silence...) i've added lots of NSFW pics - it's the old 'sex for affection' routine ya know ... i post smutty images and you start reading my blog again in hopes of reading something useful and delightfully opinionated (did i tell you i spent 3 hours writing just such a blog last week – THREE HOURS – and then deleted it ... i think the trauma brought on the FOB ... ((and if you read the blog often enough and know what that means you can keep your smart alec mails to yourself)) ) piece by yours truly....

andHOO.

onwards and sideways...

NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK IMAGES AHEAD
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.
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pretty

john milton

sexy

il cattivone

that looks like one fine penis
not sure whose pic this is but you can find it here

funny

another position for the suction dildo - doorframe dick here

i want those heels. give them to me. you keep the panties and the penis.
bodybeautiful

ciao ciao mes petites prunes (babelfish tells me this is french for my little plums O_o)
oao

even angels will fall

2011-03-29T08:17:00.000+02:00

axe have moved on from making mere mortal (but drop-dead gorgeous) women fall for (or lose their minds over) quirky-looking man-boys because of the way they smell.

i feel like i should not like this, cos it's all so a little yadda yadda, angels yadda yadda, italy, beautiful women, halo yadda yadda, innoce--blah blah blah

but it made me giggle so i like it

check out the cute victoria station promo the agency set up in englandland on violet blue's site [clickety click]

postsecret pics of the week...

2011-03-27T22:42:00.000+02:00

hahahaha the postsecrets were good this week. i liked this one. it reminded me of a convo i had last week about some 'are you normal?' show queen oprah screened last year. like what the average person does. some things that stick in my mind ... the average person:

1. looks into the tissue after they've blow their nose
2. looks into the toilet paper after they've taken a dump
3. hides food wrappers in the garbage so people don't know what they've eaten

not that those stick in my head cos i do that or anything. you know. or that i piss in the shower. ever.

anyway.

i don't have a NSFW pic (well, not TOTALLY ... it's an illustration of an ass) but this was new for me and i thought i should share it with you. behold:

FIGGING
figging: verb, peeling a piece of ginger and fucking your partner up the ass with it.

this is very funny to me i have to say. pretty funny indeed.
anyway.
oao plums.
xx

back to the future

2011-03-23T12:51:00.000+02:00

kiffness doesn't come much more kiff than this. photographer irina werning had a brain squeeze about photographing adults in settings of kiekies from their youth.

check out more of the back to the future series here [clickety click]

oao
xx

i have sex

2011-03-22T13:11:00.000+02:00

so the conservatives in america are at it again.

abcNews says the 'House of Representatives Friday passed a measure to end federal funding for abortion provider Planned Parenthood'* and that 'the measure would eliminate about $330 million through the end of September for preventative-health services, including federal funding for contraception and cancer screenings, at Planned Parenthood clinics across the country.'

*it would be awesome if SA could have a similar website. pretty fucked up that in a country with such crazy sex, std and baby problems we can't even get a government-sponsored info website up and running.

Check out the full report here with video at this clickety click.

now, we might not care what the americans do to cock their country up further (i certainly don't), but i always love the lovely filmy effort that goes into lovely filmy things when they do (moorcock, gore, you tube posters) ... here's what happened after the funding was dropped...

can't we all, for the love of god, or at least for the love of sanity and all that is good and respectful of human intelligence please MOVE FORWARD?

pretty please?

friday funny

2011-03-18T16:34:00.000+02:00

if you do not think this is cute and/or funny you do not have a soul. #justsaying

dear christina hendricks

2011-03-18T12:24:00.000+02:00

i love you

i really do

god i love you. or at least your face, your lips, your eyes, your skin, your body, the way you walk, your voice , your ass, the way you walk, the way you look at the camera, your skin, your hair, your eyes, your mouth, god your mouth, if i had a mouth like that my life would be complete ... i love you, i have no decorum when it comes to expressing my utter appreciation for what you look like. i'm really glad i'll probably never meet you. because you're probably awesome and i'd have to lick your face and smell your hair and motorboat your divine boobage and then i'd get arrested and go to jail where i'd be beaten and have to do laundry, like in the movies, and i hate doing laundry.

but i'd still like to lick your face and smell your armpits (i bet they smell like cherry blossoms)...

which planet does your face come from christina?

go here for this one guy's top 15 pics of christina - and lord i can't disagree.

blame this

2011-03-16T12:42:00.000+02:00

this is my new logo for the new site. i am so excite i can't even LOOK at this crappy blogger interface anymore. i can barely bring myself to place words of ~~inanity~~ ~~pointlessness~~ ~~absurdity~~ beauty and wisdom on this interface of blah. GET THEE GONE blogspot. i am over thee.

facebook friends on star trek

2011-03-13T20:41:00.000+02:00

fucking hysterics if you ask me. genius how this was put together.

oh well. hope your weekend was good. i spent today snoozing and reading, reading and snoozing, with some lovely lazy sex in between. (why is in between not one word? ditto by product. i've made byproduct one word in my editing. so there. fuck you oxford. i'm going all americano on yo ass etc etc.)

and now going to watch get him or me or something to the greek.

room 33

2011-03-11T09:00:00.000+02:00

Room 33 Erika Lust from boolab on Vimeo.

Six directors were chosen to create a film short in 24 hours in the same building in barcelona, shooting at the same time for the project called HOTEL. This is Ms Lust's contribution.

Although i find the hotel in her depiction of it a little too cool to turn me on, i LOVE the idea - i want to be in a hotel like that. i'll take a MMF tonight please.

for more behind-the-scenes images clickety click. the other movies can be found on hotelcasacamper.tv or check the whole movie running in sequence on lustfilms >> . i really enjoyed Roger Gaul and Steve Green's piece (the one in the bar) ... the last three are all in spanish with no subtitles. poo.

need it be said that lust's piece is NSFW?

happy friday plums
dot
xx

not on top of it

2011-03-10T18:51:00.000+02:00

How could that happen?

How could that happen again?
Where the fuck was I looking
When all his horses came in?

We wanted to find love
We wanted success

Until nothing was enough
Until my middle name was excess

dear pj harvey. once again the voice of my angst. both lyric excerpts come from her 'stories from the city, stories from the sea' album.

when i started this blog, this dorothy black thing, it was a bit of fun you know, a little side-line project to life.

now.

well, now it's a whole beast by itself. a beast i feel terribly compelled to feed. it is an alter-ego that demands constant attention. me and my twin.

i joke often about the whole (ir)relevancy issue. but in my small world, where i like to do other shit that isn't SM related it becomes problematic.

so every now and then i suffer from the FOB ('fear of blogging' for those of you new to the site), usually when i see my hit count shoot up and stay up, and new plums clickety clicking daily... it freaks me out a little... like performance anxiety on a soap box -- sad, amusing, a little pathetic

but there you go. i'm in the middle of a full-blown case of the FOB. overwhelmed by information i don't have, that i should have ... overwhelmed by keeping my two realities from colliding ... just overwhelmed

i kinda wish i lived in america where sex writers mean something. enough to make a focused living off of, instead of trying to squeeze everything in into a working whole...

anyhoo. that's my yadda yadda for now.

nevertheless:

aiee nick nick - i still think of you

catch you later
dot
xx

insert witticism here

2011-03-09T16:30:00.000+02:00

#thatisall

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

except that i think john galliano is really funny looking. i spent some time today just looking at pages and pages of images of him, trying to pinpoint what i think is so weird, so lynchian, so bizarre about the way this man looks.

his features are too much for his face - his eyes are too big, his mouth too wide, his cheekbones too round, his nose too nosey. it's like the idea his face had was to stay over-sized and cartoonish in that way baby animals are genetically processed to do to survive. but forgot he'd get older.

it is excess, constrained.

his pupils always seem dilated. i think it's because he sold his soul to the devil or something for his genius.

every time i see this picture i think that john galliano is not someone i would like the smell of. maybe it's the pink of his skin. it's unsettling. like it would be too sweet, too practised. or too musky, too deep with his own honest smell that it would unnerve. one of those smells that clutch to your clothes if you get too close, and cling to you, an unwanted haunting you're compelled to entertain until you shower again.

i don't care much for his anti-semitic rant. personally i think he was just drunk and making a show. being outrageous. apparently he's done it before tho, so, who knows.

i can just imagine that when the world is your oyster and you've attained everything we're told is worth to attain - money, genius, wealth, status - where you can do no wrong, where you're surrounded by adoring yes-men, where you get your way with everything, maybe the only thing to do is keeping pushing til something says no.

or maybe he's just an egoist. a douche. i would say cunt, but while i understand it to a highly offensive word, it still refers to lovely lady bits, and why would i want to associate galliano with my vagina.

or something. i'll stop now.

the pink parade

2011-03-08T07:50:00.000+02:00

loved the cape pride this year. almost missed it to be honest. haven't jiggled out my calendar this year yet and when i organised with si to take some photos of me for the new site (THE most harrowing experience of my life. after that time with the chinese new year's luncheon dessert.) he reminded me that we ought to go and take a look at just one of the mother city's biggest events for gender non-comformity (a new, wordy phrase that includes everybody that isn't as straight as an arrow.)

shoo. that was a long sentence.

my pretties. the one thing i forgot to do TOTALLY in my rush to get there, was to ask more of the lovely paraders where they come from etc

these dudes scared me a bit. it must be said. i'm sure they're friendly enough. still. the whole black leather thing with cap has a whole dressed-down nazi on holiday feel to it.

anyway, mooshed along with the masses and took some photos, these are some of them - the others are on women24 - check them here.

i need a new camera. and i can NOT wait for my new site so's i can load lots of pics easily. the tedium of blogger's process with uploading pics is pissing me off immensely.

oao pretty plums
dot
x

postsecret pic of the week

2011-03-06T23:26:00.000+02:00

postsecret

if you could do anything for a day, with no consequences what would you do? most of mine are pretty destructive. in no particular order:

1. jump off a mountain
2. cause an accident
3. randomly stab someone in the knee or at least push them really hard. or something.
4. hold up a bank with a big gun
5. murder someone i really really hate ... but after i've found someone to hate, which might be difficult cos i've never really hated anyone
6. drive super super super fast right off a cliff
7. do heroin and then hang-glide off table mountain
8. go completely mental in a public place to see how people react
9. barge into parliament and declare myself king of the universe
10.

um...

10. ...

hm...

10. ...

dunno. can't think of anything else. what would you do?

pop art blue

2011-03-03T15:19:00.000+02:00

this is my new most favourite song in the whole world - from zero 7 's yeah ghost.

this is the other one that makes me feel

#justsosyouknow

cheating hearts

2011-03-02T10:10:00.000+02:00

Think you should be the only one your partner desires? Dorothy Black thinks unrealistic expectations might make fidelity and monogamy a bitter pill to swallow.
Confession time. I've cheated on partners before. Not often. Not as a rule. But it's certainly happened. In the past, though, I wouldn't call it cheating, I'd call it 'little, drunken run-ins'. I wouldn't call it lying, I'd call it 'simply not telling'. Not surprisingly, the lines between what's cool and not-so-cool in the Book of Good Couples Conduct became a little blurred over the years. Read more...

ooo this column had the twitter tongues wagging. i think a lot of the point was missed though.

see, it's like this: i think it's natural to be attracted to many different people. but sometimes, those attractions become more than just momentary flirts. they become objects of fantasy that use the energy (mental, emotional and physical) and time that could be spent on our existing relationships. i think, that if you're in a long-term monogamous relationship, that it's best to nuture a culture of honesty where you can tell your partner that you feel this sort of attraction for someone else, before it becomes a secret, before it can do lasting damage.

see, the thing with affairs and real, long-term cheating and lying is that the magic that is made by all the secret naughtiness is blown out of the water the minute you bring it into the light with your partner.

that's what i mean by honesty, kyknoord.

Read the full column here...

white rabbit

2011-03-01T07:28:00.000+02:00

emily winfield

this was the plan last night - go for quick after work drink with wonder woman, go home, make a bite, write a column.

this is what happened - went for a drink, got drunk, went home, went to sleep.

it's not that i didn't have a great time, i'm just starting to wonder about this drinking thing. i'm just starting to wonder - again - why i do it. i detest hangovers. i get too drunk too quickly too easily. which means i'm kinda always stuck with some level of bleugh if i go out.

and there's the rub. i go out a lot. lunch meetings, dinner meetings, after work meetings, lunch catch-ups, dinner catch-ups, after work catch-ups, weekends friends parties dinners big brunchy breakfasts ...

so this morning, as i white rabbited my through the fuzz of a new month, i decided to see if i can go through a month without drinking. one month. sounds simple enough right?

Regina Lafay

postsecret pic of the week & OGLAF

2011-02-27T22:14:00.000+02:00

the postsecrets were pretty cool this week and there were quite a few i enjoyed - but i'm including this cos i want to write about weight and fat and thin and annos and obesity and and and this week.

as for the NSFW pic of the week, i thought i'd introduce you to oglaf - the comic pornographer that makes sex fun and funny and sexy and horny and weird all at the same time... (i've loaded the first four -- the 'cumsprite' cartoon introducing the apprentice and the queen chicken women person)

click to enlarge and go here for the follow-up > how the apprentice is punished... i dare you not to get hooked (oh and, incidentally, not suitable for work in the least...)

happy sunday night/monday morning plums!
dot
x

#ladypornday

2011-02-25T07:52:00.000+02:00

i've always believed in the tipping point -- that moment when somewhere in the collective unconscious an idea, whose time has come, seems to spill out everywhere and everyone is suddenly thinking the same thing or connecting about it or making shit happen to make it more MORE.

if you know what i mean.

on wednesday the 23/02 i had that dream about the women porn movie house and blogged about it. on thursday 24/02, i found rabbit write while flipping through THP. and found out that on tuesday 22/02, chicken had coined the date as the new, annual lady porn day.

i'll leave off expounding upon how lovely i think she is, and post this little thingy she got going this week - getting women to write in anonymously about how they feel about porn and do a sort of 'post secret' deal, except with vair retro man flesh pics.

these are the ones i like and can relate to one level or another...

awesomeness ne? check out more here...

anyway

till later plums
i'm tired. this week ended kak.
i feel stupid and brain dead.

sad zombie

me is a sex editor woot woot

2011-02-24T09:12:00.000+02:00

plums. if you don't already know i've now officially been upped from columnist to women24's sex editor. yes, yes it's true. look, read what lili had to say if you don't believe me...

***

The first time I met Dorothy Black she was sitting at Beluga, twirling a martini in her slim, well-manicured hand and rubbing her toe up and down my leg. In response I fluttered my eyelashes and drank way too fast and got messy drunk and finally blurted out "I'm married." Read more...

***

love and life jackets,
dot
xx

hot and bothered

2011-02-23T16:52:00.000+02:00

i dreamt last night that cape town got its first feminist porn movie house. In this dream I went to watch erika lust's 'five stories' ... it was one of three that were showing, but I can't remember the other two.

in real life i've only ever seen the trailer (check the link) and i am so amped to watch the full-length movie cos it looks hot hot hot. and in my dream it was hot hot hotter. had the most awesome dreamgasm from it. fun.

typed in 'happy brain orgasm'. this is what i got. makes sense.

ms minky is ordering some copies from over the seas so i'll be watching it super soon and getting all swoony and hot and bothered.

speaking of... check this vid out. its a documentary called hot and bothered by becky goldberg and it looks at making porn for women, ie porn that makes women's pleasure its focus as opposed to making them fuck objects like in mainstream skin flicks ... feminist porn is what it's called. (i'm only embedding the first clip, but check the rest out)

there are some important messages in this doccie, some that i think are necessary for people to hear, especially in south africa where we're still very pieperig to talk about sex and take ownership and responsibility for our own sexual well-being.

everyone has sexuality and no matter what people say in public, everyone wants to make their peace with it in private

women aren't shown or taught from childhood that it's ok to devote their time or money to sexuality

in fact, no one prioritises sexuality

the myths that women don't like sex, that they're not sexually aggressive or
sexually assertive, that they only enjoy sex as part of love, but not as an act itself, are not myths that will change by themselves

you think women aren't interested in sex? look around you, talk to women,
ask them what they want...

and one of the things they want is porn they can enjoy. i can't count how many chickens have asked me where they can obtain porn for women, porn that's as sexy and hardcore and depicts real fucking, without the scum factor.

what i love about feminist porn is that it's not a 'dyke' or 'straight girlie' thing - its a sex thing that respects the people who act in it, film it and watch it. gays, lesbos, kinks, queers, straights, vanillas, girls, guys ... whatevs. if porn was a person i'd hang out with fem porn.

(if you are keen to open your mind about the kind of feminism i'm about check this article out)

til later folks
oao
dot
xx

vw darth vader cuteness

2011-02-23T10:35:00.000+02:00

damn this is the shizzle

postsecret pics of the week and a juicy...

2011-02-22T07:46:00.000+02:00

ooo there are some gooders on postsecret this week. looks like my displeasure and yawn has finally prompted some REAL freaking CHANGE around here. nice one.

shoo. i get it though. the mind can be a mad and unexpected thing.

ha ha ha ha! i wonder if frank makes these up sometimes

i hate when the postage stuff fucks with the image... like, just what?
just WHAT?! give me a daisy? stop giving me classics?
give me some marian keyes? read the fucking kama sutra?
irritation.

lina scheynius

so there's you have it. i've been vair kak on the blogging of late. its just been busy and i've been lazy. i know how you pine.

anyhoo. in news. feels like i been retroactively nommed for a cosmo twitter queen thing. email telling me this came in a day or so after the radio ha-ha-poke-poke about not being nominated. weird that. was told they couldn't get hold of me. um. twitter?

never. the. less.

thanks an all but anonymity issues abound. so's'll prolly not do it anyways.

oooh oooh and thedotspot's new face is being designed and webbed and developed and rejiggled as we speak. much excite. new stuff will include an online and dynamic Q&A, a new comments system and events listing. and more. but i'm late so i gotta go.

love and bunnies
dot
xx

bunnies. yes please

blog blog wherefore art thou blog

2011-02-18T09:16:00.000+02:00

blogging to resume next week.

i've just been

inundated

swamped

i wish my swamp looked like this, cos that's kinda cool.
instead it looks like this:

TIRED

#thatisall
till next week!
or tomorrow probably
oao
dot
xx

gaga goes a bit kaka

2011-02-15T08:20:00.000+02:00

Dear Gaga.

No man. i loved you. but this, this ... this whatever you call it ... mickey mouse pop song is dull. it is not a major single to get all excited about releasing.

and worse? you're ripping off madge's express yourself. that's when she was super awesome. you don't fuck with that, you nerd. unacceptable. you should be ashamed. why did your producers not pick this up?

that's all i have to say to you paleface.

Not Impressed,
Dorothy

madonna / gaga mashup - similarity you say?

postsecret pic of the week

2011-02-14T10:54:00.000+02:00

postsecret

you know, i may be all hardcore and, like, screw valentines etc etc (check this post i did ages ago, the pics are pretty awesome [there's a click-through at the end of the post]), but, really, i am quite a romantic... or at least i like honest romantic gestures and believe that the REAL magic and romance is in actually making a relationship work. So a sort of cynical romantic or a romantical cynic or something...

anyhow, went to my first intro to tantric sex open day on sunday (ticking that booty bucket list...) and am in awe and in excite for this:

the yab-yum pose in tantra is one that allows for maximum focus and penetration and there are some super hot breathing exercises (yes you read that right) that heighten the experience...

it's not that i've never done this position, it's just that i've never done it consciously, you know, with a whole lot of focus and with the whole sex energy thing...

weirdly, the intensity of this position is exemplified in an image i saw as a kid. It's from damage, a hectic movie above sex, passion and betrayal starring jeremy irons and juliette binoche. This is the scene that overwhelmed my brain:

i could only find the poster pic in a decent size. the whole scene was more blue if a remember. anyway. that's 'my idea of sex' image for this week. oh and for love also :)

happy happy plums!
dot
xx

life 2.0

2011-02-13T21:14:00.000+02:00

@hestia_berna sent me this gem. i'm sure all of you have heard of second life by now. but if you haven't, second life is a virtual reality platform where you live, literally, a second life complete with avatar of your choice with clothes, hair, genitals, house, car, business etc bought and sold like any commodity in 'real' life.

logging on is free but many people are making a solid income from selling these goods -- the hair, clothes, houses etc (in reality lines of code) -- to the good residents of SL.

you have friends, relationships, sex ... there is nothing you can do in real life that you can't do in SL. in fact you can do more - fly, be a mermaid, a dragon, a soldier, a champion, a princess...

pteron princess

before ya'll get excited about big peens and sexy boobs, fairies and knights in shining armour go back and watch or rewatch that preview. shit is unnatural.

if there is something like an actually really real matrix beyond the philosophy, this is it. entrance is free but peeps are paying top dollar to make that tiny blue pill as tasty as possible.

we are a funny little species.

hope you had a good weekend pretty plums
dot
xx

roses are red

2011-02-11T14:41:00.000+02:00

jeez i am so fucking over this week. over. it. and and AND AND i am not going to do anything on, about, regarding,referring to, in light of or touching on valentine's day.

i don't give a shit.

i would like to, but every other blogger as mooshed on about it enough today already and it's so fucking yawn i want to die of overboredom. anti or pro or post-anti anti or post-modern pro valentines. i don't care.

which is hysterical considering i'm going to do a 5 minute slot on 3talk with noleen (kinda not at all like oprah) to add the ha ha to the topic of reviving your flagging relationship.

hysterical

momma black will be tickled.

anyway, the only thing about valentine's day that has made me laugh is this image by johnny ryan that i saw on viceuk.

have a good weekend plums.
oao
dot

what does dot look like

2011-02-08T08:23:00.000+02:00

One of my most clicked on pages is the 'will the real dorothy black please stand up' one. when people google 'dorothy black' they mostly get this:

hungarian honey etc etc

suffice it to say, that's not me. my pseudonym has no connection to her at all. i started this blog in 2006 and chose a pen name because i wanted to slag my ex off without him knowing (we played in the same circles back then) and write about my pain and suffering on a public forum where others could share in my misery.

heartache and pain!! what an adventure!!

i think i managed about two posts along those lines and then got bored. but the blog and the nick stuck. so here we are. til about two years ago no one's really given a fuck what i look like, but since the whole sex column/5FM thing, i've been mailed more and more about it.

i keep the name and the anonymity for various reasons, but the two main ones are to keep the creepos away and because of this (click click).

mostly questions about how i look have been pretty straight up: are you fat? are you white? do you have big boobs? are you blonde? are you skinny? ~~are you fucked in the head?~~

so i thought i'd put it out to twitter to see what people had in their own heads about what i look like. here's what i got:

GIRLS

marleneboyce I imagine you resemble betty boop, but with a more realistic waistline.

alex_jaich Like a Katy perry kind of look...brown hair red lips lol

aadiilah Not skinny, not fat, cheery chubby and bubbly, dark bobbed hair, freckled and fierce, very sharp laugh. (i've always paused at that 'cheery chubby' image of fat people being all post-war jolly)

pixelslave10 Dotty,in my mind, you are Dita Von Teese. #hot

DebbieMoans Average height, slender, dark shoulder length hair, loves red and black.Sports a filthy mouth & hugely entertaining @ parties. (yeah it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt)

ErroleneSteven I think you look pretty classy, well put together! (sometimes i can see my mother's eyes glaze over as she tries to picture me as a well-turned out young lady...)

staceywest24 I think you are a little short, dark brown hair, average weight (size 12 pants) but ooze sex appeal and confidence :) (i love the 'but' in this sentence...)

steelesm I think you've got dark hair and a wide smile. (well, now you know... :) )

GUYS

Charliekie I think stylish but always with a bit of your own twist mixed in... (fashion designer friend to me: your dedication to anti-fashion is endearingly sweet darling, but maybe it's time you grew out of it...)

Gatekeeper_TD Medium height. Long tied up black hair. Always showing some cleavage. High heels and makeup a must. Red lipstick! (i think my friends would laugh and laugh at this, but never mind them gatekeeper, deep down this is what i actually want to look like ... see above, dita/betty/katy)

russellsmartin Not sure what you look like, but wish my google image search came up with pics as awesome as your does !

TyronlSA Nice curves- not too thin, not fat, the sex life keeps you in shape, look early 30s, sex life makes you look young, brunette! (cos 30 is screamingly old?)

traaidmark I think you would probably look a bit retro, pale skin, midsize bewbs, cocktail dress... brown eyes maybe. uhm... arty-ish (this could basically describe the whole of cape town's hipster-cool crowd. sometimes i long to be a hipster, but then i remember i have an actual personality)

naswho I picture you exactly the same way as @MvelaseP does. Must be a societal perception.

MvelaseP Early to mid-30s, voluptuous but not fat, medium height, dark shoulder length hair. White, but your feet show that. (voluptuous but not fat? hm ... i struggle with this phrase ... it's like 'voluptuous' is the new 'big boned'... i think by today's skewed size-zero standards, voluptuous is fat.)

_AhuraMazda_ Hmmm. Mid 20s, dark/brunette, "white", 5ft6, average build (not fat nor thin) (confused as to why white is in quotes? am i pretending to be white? am i kinda white, but not really?)

CoetzeeBok Killer legs. About 1.72 m tall. Auburn hair. Green eyes. In short. Sexy (you sure you're not thinking of @liliradloff?)

DJMager7 Judging be the feet, thin, well curved, confident brunette who struts around in lingerie. Hit or miss? (struts around in lingerie? i only strut on sundays and public holidays...)

adifil Your are brunette thin but not skinny and probably pretty and maybe a B-cup ;) (spot on on the boob size)

afairweather Little, curvy and stylish, with a wicked smile and a glint of mischief in your eye.

kevincopley Thin. Good body, long legs. straight black hair, bit below shoulders. Fair skin. Med sized boobs. That what I think. Close?

alessiolr I think you're a skinny little fiery redhead.

orphan annie - a skinny, fiery little redhead

LordFoom Unnaturally blonde, medium build, about 1,70 - 1,75m, sharp dresser, long hair. Is there a prize for the closest guess?

JDean78 Dirty blond hair, lekker tiete ennnn jy's 'n korterige chick? (lekker tiete? WHAHAHAHA)

watkykjy For fun I did a Google image search. Its just vag, dick and tits, so I am sitting this one out. Tainted. (wise)

willviljoen I'm guessing about 5'8', blonde hair (possibly fake), nice build, but with some nice curves to go with.

ryno23gouws I think your about 5 ft 10 slim blond with blue eyes.

mikeyferraris skinny, snobby blonde (gwyneth paltrow?)

QqlessPlz Face of jessica alba , boobs of pam anderson and a sex drive of a young michael jackson ;) (i was all like, cool yeah , awesome yeah, ... and then the michael jackson thing gave me the 'no' feeling)

surprisingly, the majority WASN'T blonde like i originally thought, but i only put together the blond pics cos i didn't feel like doing the others...

there were others via email, but i think you get the idea...

here are the pics people sent in:

suicide girls

yes! YES! YES!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I LOOK LIKE!!
(when i take that little yellow pill that makes me feel really good)

so, THAT's how people are seeing me... and now, because you've been such lovely plums ... here's a pic of me that isn't my feet:

bb cameras aren't that awesome i've found. so yes, grainy etc etc

so there you have it. some face. some hair. some chin. some teeth. and tongue. you were all mostly right about the hair colour. well done ya'll :)

oao
dot

postsecret pics of the week...

2011-02-06T22:50:00.000+02:00

i give away stuff based on the same thing. clothes, furniture, books, ornaments ... if something's got bad juju it's gotta go.

velocity.t-nation.com

eroticguru.tumblr

booty bucket list

2011-02-03T08:02:00.000+02:00

Dorothy Black believes it's time you make a booty bucket list for 2011

Do you ever wake up and look at your sex life and think, holy fuckaroo, it’s time to shake shit up a bit? Miss America and I were having a natter about this the other day so I created a little booty bucket list (BBL) of things I’ve yet to do (or do properly). Read more...

i couldn't fit in 'shows'...so...you know, it reads kinda weird.
cos really, necrophilia is SO not my thing...well, unless you count that one dude i--
oh nevermind. long story.

so i thought i'd kick-off this year's worth 'o women24 columns with a light-hearted ha ha ... but also, it is serious cos that IS my booty buckit list for the year.

some people might find it strange to be so goal oriented, but i say one should always VISUALIIIIZE the future to MAKE IT SO. it's a bit picard meets chopra. kinda.

anyhoo...happy thursday plums!

i'll let ailenni blow a kiss for you

oao
dot
xx

RUBBER

2011-02-02T12:40:00.000+02:00

yup. your guess is as good as mine. pointless. the guess that is. cos this that you see above is glorious. lemony sent it to me. which is weird in itself actually. she's usually such a nice girl. check out the site here www.rubberthemovie.com.
kinda genius no?

know what i'm saying? anyWAY things. afoot. are. very EXCITE. are you EXCITE? be EXCITE with me now goddammit.

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

2011-01-31T12:54:00.000+02:00

oh lord. isallimsaying.

yawn

and yawn, with a big dose of the fuck?! for really reals? great bananas that's depressing.

this one was funny though. what would you rather do? go bald or go boob?
i've done both.

ag i just feel like i'm getting all judgemental on these stupid boring-ass postsecrets. i don't mean to be, but i'm such a nice person generally (for those that disagree you're welcome to send emails outlining your problems wrt me, with details of where you live and what you consider your most prized possession/person you most love) that i have to vent spleen somewhere.

so. sadly. i've just read that myideaofsex is stopping/closing down. turns out the administrator of the site is being boring/going to get a life so what can you do. i was flipping through the site when i found this pic:

I HAVE THAT EXACT SAME SCARF DUDES! much seriousness. it's like god is telling me something but i can't quite figure what it is yet...

from myideaofsex

hot.
devora ran.

marcel the shell with shoes on

2011-01-28T08:58:00.000+02:00

kyknoord sent this to me the other day. he's a funny guy. sometimes. my fave line: i also have shoes and a face...so...i like that about myself...

happy friday funny plums
dot
xx

gays are still evil

2011-01-27T10:54:00.000+02:00

i live in CT and surround myself with intelligent people so i often forget that the world is still full of homophobes, remembering only every so often when some backward up-continent country makes the news by jailing homosexuals (i'm talking to you uganda).

and then i saw this on Dlisted:

Turns out a Harps in Arkansas needed to cover an Us mag headlining elton, his partner and their new baby with a 'family shield' to protect the cheeeldren from the obscenity that is same-gendered love. or whatever that is. cos it's different to the love shared by those bastions of heteronormativity, bragelina or tom-kat.

here's what was on the cover:

i typed in 'satan evil blood death murder' for this. i was disappointed with the selection.

ha ha ha, no only kidding. it was way worse:

a happy, healthy, well-dressed couple holding a CUTE, SLEEPING BABY!!!!! these two embodiments of evil have been together since 1993.

'scared scream fear run cry'

read what michael k has to say about it and a statement by Harps here or look at some more pictures of vile bliss here.

if you read my blog i'm going to assume that you're a human of Some Brain. So let's pause together for a moment and pat ourselves on the backs for not being stupid people.

helloooo sailor

2011-01-26T09:31:00.000+02:00

so i don't usually do this 'i went here, i went there' thing, BUT i went here over the weekend. Hello Sailor in obs, cape town. (it's quite cute, although i expected something a little more punchy for the interior. as it is, it's a little more quiet bistro than bold raunchiness.)

i don't really venture into obs much anymore. it's too confused about what it wants to be. if i do go, i go to visit the chefs, eat sushi at house 1890 or breakfast at mimis (thought i'd get some of my 'i go here i go there' thing in in one blog. snappy no?).

but now, i might also go for a yummy at hello sailor cos the food is pretty damn good.

BUT this is not why i blog now. no. i blog about the pickleback.

a pickleback is a shot of bourbon chased with a shot of pickle brine - that vinegary juice that gherkins come in.

erm. yummo?

obviously you don't get all the bits of spice-making oddities in your juice - just the strained tarty goodness. i'm not an adventurous eater. not by a long shot. i can eat lentils and rice for days on end. so this combo was enough to make my brain churn.

however.

it's quite ... weird ... and good ... and then weird again ... but then good again and makes a peculiar sort of sense. at least once it's in your mouth and you've swallowed it. the flavours actually work together.

i know, i know. ya'll be thinking something along the lines of 'one's palate is compromised after much consumption of liquor' or 'that crazy owner got one over on you you stupid buffoon', but even the new york times magazine has something to say about the pickleback. check it: case study | got your pickeback.

so there. thinky people have written COLUMNS about this drink. if you're in CT, stop at hello sailor and tell ryan to give you a pickleback. and then a tomato bolognaise. and then eat some food. but maybe before all of that, just ease your tastebuds into it with a few beers or something.

tomato bolognaise
i don't even know what was in this apart from tomato juice

oao plums, i'll more later.
dot
x

fuck your honda civic

2011-01-25T11:11:00.000+02:00

!I'VE A HORSE OUTSIDE!

there are few things cooler than this. the rubberbandits are like the irish version of jack parow. maybe. if jack parow were that cool.

the lyrics in case you didn't get all of that...

I'm at Amanda's weddin, In a church on Thomas Street
I'm lookin at a bridesmaid, and she lookin back at me
............, ask her if she wants a lift
back to the hotel, anything goeS, well finger and a shift
She says Fitzy drives a Mitzy, and he offered me a spin
Enda have a Honda, so I might just go with him
and Darren ...... , in his Subaru
so what the fuck would make you think I'd wanna go with you

I said Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've got a horse outside

She said I don't believe ya
I said it's fuckin true
I swapped him for a bag of yokes in 1992
I don't need insurance, I don't need no parkin space
and if you try to clamp my horse he'll kick you in the face
I don't pay no tax, fuck NCT
you'll arrive in style if you ride with me
and the boys are walkin over, jinglin their keys
I look the fuckers up and down and give them one of these

I said Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've a horse outside

Giddy up now baby, bless my soul
I rode the fucker round a field back since he was a foal
He runs a bit like Shergar, and he jumps like Tir na nOg
He looks like Billy Piper after half an ounce of coke
and the boys are lookin jealous, as I lead yer one away
and just before I close the door I look at her and say
Would you be my girl, and she says I will of course
if ya grab me by the ponytail and ride me like a horse
ya!

Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside
fuck your Subaru, I have a horse outside
and fuck your Mitsubishi, I've a horse outside
if you're lookin for a ride I've a horse outside

a pussy, a postsecret and a pretty almostSFW pic

2011-01-24T23:45:00.000+02:00

this is why i didn't blog earlier today (tomorrow by the time you read this). i got me mom a kitty from darg. (they're really great btw.) spent the day cuddling and petting and stroking and loving. but that was only after i had a meeting with the forge . that's right my pretty plums, my blog is finally growing up and becoming a real website at wordpress :).

anyhoozle. this is the best postsecret could come up with this week. yawn.

an ex told me once -- when i was trying to be goth -- that i'd simply never pull it off because i smiled too much. rubbish. i'm MEAN and HARDCORE and SULLEN. goddamit.

and the kinda NSFW pic. i think it's really pretty.

geekyvamp

oao plums
have a great tuesday
x

hop! hop!! HOPLA!!!

2011-01-21T10:34:00.000+02:00

somewhere in 2005 i was sitting in my penthouse apartment in the verdant mountains of taiwan* on a rainy sunday afternoon.

i got a call from a friend who was in love and sexing it up with his new bella amante. because he was compelled to spend the rest of the evening with her legs wrapped around him, he wanted to know if i would like to have his ticket to a show in taipei by this dude named goran bregovic.

sure. why not. i was bored.

A few peeps i knew where hopping on a bus to make the hour and something trip there, so i went. this is what happened to my brain during that show:

from the moment the music started i was crying. you know how there's some music or scents or places or scenes that just speak right to your soul?

like you can't think about it, you just experience it in your gut, like you're plugged into the petrol pump of life and you're filling up on something ethereal and good and nourishing...

the stage looked pretty much like this - it was so sparse i was expecting, well, not much. The auditorium was only a quarter full, the lights were bright, people sat around waiting for the show to start, chatting, laughing...

and then, from behind us, two trumpet players playing this simple melody came walking down the two aisles that flanked the main bulk of seating... one after another, they were followed by the other wind instruments, each adding to the original melody, deepening it, filling up the space with sound...

when the final big snaky bass added and they were all on the stage, this little man came bounding in and HOP HOP the show started...

no recording i've heard, no cd i have, comes within 20 kms of the live performance

i started crying and didn't stop till the end - i was, not lightly, blown away. when i came back to SA a year later i went to my first balkanology. people had caught onto the whole balkan/slavic/'gypsy' music thing - whether it was through movies, better DJs or move accessible bands like gogol bordello i don't know. but i was very pleased. the band that featured was a bit kak and the chick singer ripped ederlezi to shreds, but i was pleased.

how ederlezi should be sung

but the next year balkanology had become hip and i didn't like the hipster people that seemed to be going so i never went again. last night, on the way to look at a kitteh for momma black (i've totally appropriated that, thanks @crustyww), i heard balkan beat box and dj maoriginal on the Fresh Drive.

all i can say is:

where the fuck have i been plums? WHERE. THE. FUCK.

question mark.

under it.

cos these guys -- dj maoriginal specifically for the incredible, earTASTIC mix -- are fracking grooviness reinfrakingcarnated.

balkan beat box

now that my eyes have adjusted to the bright light that is The Now, i shall be attending balkanology again tonight, for the first time since, well, the first time.

i am EXCITE.

*actually it was the muggy, tiled, attic room of a five-floor house. i thought i'd just throw that it for a little flair. but it was a verdant mountain.

the most amazing random heart

2011-01-20T09:47:00.000+02:00

got this from @jadetaylorcooke from cupoftea. it's the best random heart i've ever seen. also, it's from that faraway place called botswana, or as i prefer to call it, botswanes. i don't know why. so don't ask. DON'T. stop asking. STOPIT.

*sigh*

actually i was going to add this to my random hearts page but i needed something quick to blog about before the show so that the first thing people see when they come to the site isn't that 'incredibly offensive' 'ned calls' post ... i like people to think i'm nice for at LEAST 20 seconds after clicking on my page (though, seriously, checkit. it's sooper funnai.)

anyway. gotta go.

hugs and bunnies,
dot
x

ned calls...

2011-01-19T09:04:00.000+02:00

got this from sparky this morning.

warning:
it is VERY UN-PC AND STEREOTYPES HOMOSEXUALS

but -- as he said -- i DARE you not to split sides laughing

ned is like south africa's whackhead simpson dude, except much funnier. google 'ned calls' for more of his fabulousness...

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

2011-01-17T17:15:00.000+02:00

so postsecret started off lame (again ... 'i said no to drugs cos i thought harry potter would disapprove' ?! the fuck ?!) and then got good towards the end... these two i would consider secrets...

and now for YOUR NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK pics. did you hear that? let me say it again...

NOT
SUITABLE
FOR
WORK

so don't be mailing me freaking-out mails about how john from accounts ratted your ass out for checking out porn at work.

after last week's 'how big should a good penis be (13 january)' dotspot on 5FM, i found this pic. THIS IS TOO BIG in case you were wondering. i don't need sperm delivered direct to my uterus and blowjobs are a pain in the throat.

(dudes, if you ever feel intimated by those big pieces of man-beef whose muscles threaten to bend the space-time continuum if they expand any further, go here to see what steroids does to create small and sad little peens...)

eeek can't remember where i found this

i think what the world needs is some more cunninglingus shots. to balance out the reams and reams of ginormica penis images with strings of cum everywhere. balance, ya know. cos i'm zen that way.

anyhoozle.

thanks to everyone that's playing the 'what does dot look like game' on twitter. it's not a very good game, but it amuses me and i'm going to be blogging about it soon - the whole perception/reality, fat/thin issue you know...

love and piglets
dot
x

suicide bunny

2011-01-14T12:50:00.000+02:00

so i must admit that this week was a big GRUMP. not to say that i'm not delightful and a charm to be around when i'm experiencing a GRUMP. it's just that i tend to want to nap more. and snap more... (5 minutes later... i tried to get all suess but it didn't work... i could only come up with 'crap more' and, frankly, it just wouldn't be true.)

cos i can't write and have reverted to calling everything 'thingies' and places 'that place' or 'somewhere' and people 'mutherfuckers' i thought i'd have a friday funny with a hint of the macabre.

more laughs with bunny suicides

forever fucked up

2011-01-13T09:45:00.000+02:00

so in my week of moan, we'll just stick with middle america and the type of people who'd follow cindy jacobs, shovel mcdonalds into their garps and shop at walmart.

for every time you've wish to be a baby again - the adult onesie: the forever lazy. with zips on the side and front for when you need to pee pee or poo poo (we're not QUITE at the wearing nappies stage... manufacturers are waiting to blow that baby out the water for the christmas season)...

watch the video for a laugh. seriously. you can't make this shit up. for at least 1 minute 59 seconds i thought this was a joke. but by the time the ad ended at 2:01, i knew that the places where grown people wear onesies is where dignity goes to die.

and people got their knickers in a knot when wall-e portrayed 'obesity in a negative light' (for shame slate!).

size zeros are as terrifying frankly. but if there's any middle-ground to be reached, onesies won't get us there.

actually though, they might be right up cindy jacobs' alley. if you NEVER want to have sex with your partner again, or would like to watch the slow and embarrassing demise of your pride, sexuality and youth, get a forever lazy.

those crazy christians

2011-01-12T08:13:00.000+02:00

so i'm on a bit of a pluck with religion this week it seems. its an easy target and i'm too lazy in brain and busy with other things to fight it.

anyway.

twitter sent this clip of cindy jacobs, a prophet of the lord jesus christ and a 'general' of her ministry 'generals international' (the website doesn't seem to be working, but you can find more about her at www.rightwingwatch.org. of course.)

what a funny person:

this is the reason science laughs at believers. 'But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe...'

clear proof that the birds falling had something to do with the man, whose name is beebe, who let the gays do something or another...

'What happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles? Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us – for instance, violent storms, flooding...'

are you fucking me?

i have my own set of beliefs and ponderances about the nature of life, the universe and everything, but i'm pretty sure that if there is a god force out there my little human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend it much or be able to speak for it and its human-like principles.

and i think it far too arrogant to imagine that we, humans, know all there is to know to be able to dispute, irrefutably, anything that science cannot see. a couple of hundred years ago science told us the earth was flat, so...

i argue a lot with c, a mate of mine that is fantastically agnostic, bordering on atheisism. where dear cindy is hoodwinked by religion, i fear c is blinkered by science. all i know is that i would rather have a fanatical atheist running the show than a fanatical religionista.

a bit cursory, but still. what about this one...

isreali air strike in gaza

one of my favourite online comics used to be russell's teapot, a now defunct (sadly) site cos the creator has decided to go and leave college and do important things. he hasn't left his site up, oddly. so this is one of the only ones i could find on the interwebs:

get what's left of the cartoons here

ag, you know, killing and stupidity isn't only the reserve of the religionistas. the commies weren't so great either. and i guess really it's all about ideologies.

khmer rouge, cambodia

the rwandan genocide
etc
etc
etc
etc
etc

why can't we all just get along? happy wednesday plums!
xx

free your mind

2011-01-11T08:39:00.000+02:00

scootered in to work today with my anthem for the day/week/year/life - en vogue's 'free your mind'. it's not the deepest song in the whole world. it's no dylan. nevertheless, i like vibe of it and the lyrics ... i like singing along to it and feeling all hardcore and realz and stuff like only a white leftie in south africa can when listening to a song about prejudice. this only works on a scooter though... so...

a little power song for the day - i'm on deadline so blogs might be few and far between.

love and fluffy things,
dot

postsecret pics of the week

2011-01-09T19:28:00.000+02:00

this is why religion can be so kak (reason #54 670)

what a waste. jissus. god will be angry with you? what are we? 5 years old? if there's anything that's fucked with being human and enjoying humanness more than anything it's religion...

after a particularly hectic relationship that enjoyed an end largely determined by the fact that i wasn't into churchianty and my lover was, i decided i would never get involved with someone who put an idea of god/yaweh/krishna/mohammed/buddha/the bunny rabbit/guru/jesus/whatever before actually living a life. the person who wrote this postsecret should be kicking themselves with the same ferocity of self-righteousness that they implicated their 'the one' with. arsehole. not that i'm bitter or anything. #justsaying etc etc

a memory: a coffee shop in york with martin. we start talking randomly when i ask him for sugar. my table has none. i must have sugar with my coffee and the waitress is too busy on the phone to give a shit. martin has aids and is battling cancer. we talk about his life, my life; my history is the picture of perfect compared to his. he tells me he hopes gayness is nuture not nature. he'd hate to think that it were genetic. if it is, martin says, it won't be long before well-meaning parents are splicing out 'gay' genes at baby gene clinics. it won't be long before we have a world of a-type white men.

i'd have to say i agree with him.

is my sexuality nature or nuture? i believe it's a matter of both. i think any sexual preference is. why should my preference for men or women be any different?

and now, after all that seriousness... my NSFW sex pic(s - missed one last week) of the week!! yayness!

letsgetnaked

i quite like this. but for the shoes. the shoes are so yuck. and then! how funny is this? a doorframe dick. lick, stick and fuck. nice one. very innovative.

myideaofsex

happy sunday evening plums :)

i love lamp

2011-01-05T15:52:00.000+02:00

in case you needed a wednesday funny. Steve Carell as Brick Lamland in the anchorman (just one of the funniest movies in the whole world), herewith...

the best of brick

picky postsecrets of the week

2011-01-04T08:07:00.000+02:00

ya, blah blah blah, they're boring me but i'll post anyway - well, post the ones that i kept correcting in my head...

bulimic

the crap THAT will happen

phallic

i know i make a million grammar mistakes in this here blog and i'm not averse to sms speak on twitter - i'm no grammar nazi on platforms that don't require it... but jirre these bothered me

bah poo blegh

2011-01-03T12:05:00.000+02:00

imagine if you will one of those old beano comics with dennis the menace on the cover. no nevermind, don't imagine, here:

and here:

why i wake up with an image of the new year as dennis the menace is a mystery to me. maybe it's because i've been reading stories about murdering sailors who kill their lovers after wild, boozed-up fucking and mothers who imagine their babies to be souffles and then eat them.

you'd think that reading this in the relaxed environs of a incense-scented, candle-lit, pomegranate-salted hot bath would mitigate any negative effects on one's subconscious. but as one bearded thinky person once said, the subconscience doesn't have a sense of humour.

nevertheless.

i sometimes hate the beginning bit of things. even imagery ones like the calendar 'new year'. sometimes it intimidates rather than challenges me. it reminds me of dylan moran's 'potential' skit from monster (which, if you still haven't seen is here. click click.).

that is all.

a very bing christmas to you

2010-12-25T09:54:00.000+02:00

i love christmas as it's sung by bing crosby. merry merry one and all. hope the bunny brings you all the christmas cake you can eat.

i want a christmas thusly. i subscribe to the hollywood christmas i'm not embarrassed to say

a dylan moran funny

2010-12-23T12:25:00.000+02:00

this makes me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

and because it's the season to be giving, i thought it might make you laugh also. so, here you go...

i what to have babies with dylan moran's humour.

dear universe

2010-12-21T17:10:00.000+02:00

k, so i'll let you in on a little secret. it's a true story so listen closely plums.

i kinda believe in the visualisation thing. you know, where you put a thought out and then magic happens and it comes true. well, kinda. mostly. i think Brain is super smart that way. and force of fucking will.

for real.

this doesn't mean you just have the thought and not do anything. like my dad says, faith is fine and you can have all the faith in the world that a glass of water you're staring at will move from the table to your hand, but until you get up and fetch it fuckall is going to happen.

well, he doesn't say 'fuckall'. i added that for effect. poetic licence etc etc.

anyway. point of the story being: i have a particular way of making dry spells - of the sexual persuasion that is - come to an end.

buy condoms.

ta-da!

i told kaya about it over sushi the other day. kaya is my sushi buddy and we're star-crossed lovers i believe. in the sense that by some weird planetary fluke we're not actually involved/in love/fucking ... whatever the case being, kaya is going through a protracted dry spell. at first it was by choice, but now it's become a weird habit.

one that is very difficult to break no matter how much he wants to. you know those.

so i told him to buy condoms.

sounds simple no? but if you're in the middle of long dry spell you probably have some government-issue willie wellingtons lying around somewhere. this is not sending a positive message to the universe.

when you spend some pennies on some good condoms it's like telling cupid that you're ready for some proper loving : here are the good condoms - now provide the lay of a lifetime. steve from accounts is not going to cut it muthafucka. that's a government issue condom right there and i'm NOT INTERESTED.

so kaya took my advice... lookit:

are you ready for some lovin' kaya? why yes; yes i believe kaya is...

the last time i did this, it took three weeks before i met someone actually wanted to sleep with. it took miss america two weeks. let's see how long it takes kaya.

i should write a fucking book.

dot reviews: the We-Vibe

2010-12-20T10:43:00.000+02:00

this is kinda the look mr hardman gave me when i presented him with the we-vibe

First impressions
I was literally busting at the gut to try the We-Vibe. After all the hype and hoo-hah about what a revolutionary product this is I was like a kid in a candy store when I met marina to choose my next product for review. I want I want I want I wantitwantiwantiwantiwannaiwanna ah aha ha... was the idea... what i got was, well, interesting.

What it is
The We-Vibe is a rechargable couples vibrator, worn while making the happy.

How it works
The one 'arm' nestles bewteen your labia, stimulating your clitoris, while the other 'arm' slides into your vagina and is pressed against your g-spot by your partner's penis that slides in underneath it, like this:

click to enlarge

The arms flex back quite wide accommodating any shape and allowing the pads to rest snugly over contours. Saying this, i had to push the inner arm quite high before the outside pad rested very neatly between my labia. The surfaces are ridged for extra pleasure etc, but i suspect this might also have something to do with grip.

Despite its diminutive size, the force is strong with this one. The vibe carries well throughout the toy and its ooo factor is high for both parties. It's ok for solo use also -- especially as a dual penetration toy if you pop the narrower end up your bottom -- but it wouldn't be my toy of choice, the flexible bits become too flexible without the help of a cock to position it firmly.

Speaking of, missionary position was pretty cool and it was pretty spectacular for me on top. Though, problem with that is blood flow to the penis and funny angles. Try sitting rather. Spooning is great cos you have a lot of control over manipulating the clitoral pad.

What it does
The We-Vibe has quite a range of modes - including low speed, high speed, throb, wave, pulse, ramp, tease, ascending and cha-cha. The latter is literally a beat to the cha-cha. We loved the pulse and throb settings. The cha-cha? not so much.

What i thought of it
The Happy
Well, the We-Vibe is fun, i'll give it that. The strength of this toy lies in the intimacy of giggles and wiggling and talking about what feels good with your partner. Like all new gadgets and gizmos and weird-ass sex positions we try with our lovers, i think the We-Vibe should be taken with a lot of fun and laughter. I really don't think it should be taken too seriously.

I was concerned about displacement during a whole lot of thrusting, but the vibe keeps its place pretty well. Also, I like the little purple pouch you get with it. And it's very easy to take around with you. Mr Hardman quite liked the buzz, but felt that it interfered with the whole feel of pussy. Also, it'd be very handy if your man is on the smaller side, cos it'll add some pressure in places small peens can't get to.

The not so happy
So this is pretty much where i disagree with the rest of the whole wide world. I wasn't that impressed. If it was a r600 toy, i'd be impressed. for r1400, i expect something better than what ultimately feels like little more than a novelty toy. I mean where do i start...

First off, i don't like the feel of it. It might be medical grade silicone, but it's the one that feels like rubber and i'm not such a fan of that. It feels cheap.

Second, the settings do not work great if you're using lube. Why they didn't think of making this remote controlled is beyond me. The eensy little button is difficult enough to use when it's out of you and dry, let alone when it's squished between gyrating bodies and slippery from wet. You have to stop between a session to change settings and it's all weirdly counter-intuitive and out of the flow. So. something of a fail there for me.

Third, put your music on cos the buzz is quite distracting. At least for us it was. Especially when its on cha-cha. You kinda want to start humming along.

Fourth, the charger is dumb. Although I enjoy how neatly the connection point is hidden, I find it difficult to judge whether the vibe is fully charged - there's no light, no indicator, no nothing. For such a high-profile and pricey product I expect more than a R5 Crazy Store power point.

Fifth, I'm not sure this is something i'd bring to the bedroom on a regular basis. or at least regular enough to justify the expense. I guess what i'm saying is, if you have a couple of hundred to spare for a novelty toy for you and your partner – or you really need something to bring some fun and laughing into the sack – you can't get better than the We-Vibe. But don't go on credit for it. you know. i'm not gushing, is all i'm saying.

HOWEVER. this is just my opine and global sales figures would disagree with me.

Stats

Medical grade silicone
Soft, flexible
Rechargeable
Dual Action
2 motors -- 2 hours
about 1300 to 1400 za ronds depending on where you buy

all toys (and lube) are sponsored by whet sensuality emporium > go to the store on long street in cape town and chat to marina or visit her site to buy your goodies

postsecret pics of the week...

2010-12-19T21:15:00.000+02:00

and my new NSFW addition. i told you last week how i was getting a bit ho-hum with postsecret (why oh WHY can't people live more deranged lives... or at least want to spout out about it on a 6x9 postcard??)... so now, i've decided to add my fave sex pic of the week.

so first up - the postsecret pic of the week and then the somewhat Not Suitable For Work pic thereafter...

this is very funny to me

damaneiraqueeugosto

happy monday morning plums!

a stab in the dark

2010-12-17T13:18:00.000+02:00

so ja, a mate of mine from coal also makes these very awesome corsets (as well as being a fucking hardcore shaitsu person) and some of her product was on display at last night's black orchid burlesque thing at mercury.

this rocks. you know it does. (secret garden corsetry)

the show was fun although a little off on lighting, sound, technical problems and some pretty dismal performances by some of the models who you could see were roped into the game based on friendship alone.

but aside from that it was lovely. i really enjoyed Miss Diva DisaStar, the ballerina and the opera singer - who was particularly fab. clever addition i think.

miss diva.
(though, chicken, unless you're fucking barbara streisand you should NEVER be too busy for a photo. just saying. diva in name only love. in name only.)

ballerina boy (left), opera singer person (right) (she's simulating sex here and with every thrust she's hitting some pretty impressive high notes. made me smile.)

the belly dancers were cool, but i wasn't too sure what the dude and this biscuit on the right were on about. take it off or leave it on, don't bring your shyness to the spotlight

i've never watched a black orchid show before; i've always found their ticket prices a little OTT. this was confirmed by another chick in the WC after the show who was gushing about how much better this r30 show was compared to the r320 show she saw at artscape last year. THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY RAND?! are you fucking kidding me? saying that i think this show was worth more than the r30 cover they charged. where's the middle ground lasses?

this was the opening scene. i quite liked it. though the boobs didn't fill the corset sadly.

there were a lot of very well-dressed peeps here but my phone camera's shit and ran out of power early. i like the pic on the right. it's quite hopperesque don't you think?

i love watching people watch

ah well, that's me for today... will post more about other stuff soonest.
love
x

the days are just packed

2010-12-17T00:26:00.000+02:00

this is lhasa. i love her. you should love her to. i found her in a music store the size of a table in taiwan. it was when she was still singing in other languages. the cd was so rare in those parts i think it cost me something stupid like the equivalent of small apartment in camps bay.

la llorona - the weeping woman

then, a few years later, caro made me a mix tape and included the above awesome song - anywhere on this road. my fave line is: 'if i can stand up to angels and men, i'll never get swallowed in darkness again.'

anyway.

it's been a day full of stuff.

earlier i met baba dez and martina, a daka and shaman and a dakini in training. we lay in the sun on the deck of a wood cabin in scarborough -- they naked, me mostly clothed (i was working afterall) -- talking about the nature of sexuality and what it means to become whole.

after, i came home and got properly naked and spent the rest of the late afternoon and early evening in bed with mr hardman. i can still smell him on me. yum hum purrrrr...

nothing wrong with that.

tonight i went to the black cadilac something or another presented by the black orchid crowd. it was... interesting...

i'll more later.

nighty night plums
love and hugs,
dot
x

finally. the big time.

2010-12-13T16:27:00.000+02:00

be still my beating heart. kyknoord's listed moi for a bronze award on his list of 'not totally kak blogs'. fuck you.

post reject of the week

2010-12-12T09:54:00.000+02:00

i hate to say it but this week's postsecret is LAAAAMMME. where's the murder, the torture, the lurid fantasies, the cheating, the cruelty, the regret, the unrequited love??

so i go to postrejects to get a small kick there and... NOTHING. dude's closing the site down cos he can't think of anything lame anymore ~~and can't compete with postsecret for that~~.

nevertheless, i've never posted from postrejects, so here're some i really like.

last night i dreamt @jeanbarker and i met ryan seacrest (i heart him just by the way) and she told him that i came from bellville and i was like, what the fuck man, why'd you go and tell him THAT now.

when i woke up i realised i still kind of cringe at it in real life also.

when i was in school we had no fokof and jack parow and die antwoord. bellville was zef and zef was not fucking cool. so i still have a moment when someone asks me where did you grow up where i footnote the answer 'bellville' with 'but on the right side of the N1 ha ha ha ha'.

sarah nankin

fuck that shit. i'm over it.

and just FYI.

TYGERVALLY and WILLOUGHFUCKINGWANNABEBRIDGE IS IN FUCKING BELLVILLE. so is the craphole EDWARD STREET. so. you know. there. deal.

fly me to the moon

2010-12-11T17:16:00.000+02:00

it's been a while since i spent an evening with molly. it was lovely. it was the chefs' 10-year anniversary of cupcakes, cocktails and, well, cocktails.

slightly headachy and somewhat dry mouthed i am now dedicated to doing nothing, drinking lots of water and sleeping. or blogging while mr hardman plays resistance. this is what morning/afternoon/evening afters are made of.

i did tell you we were sleeping together again, right? yes, well. it's fun. there are some things that can't replace great chemistry, for everything else there's therapy.

urgh. speaking of. my body is now DONE with partying. back to yoga-ising and eating properly and being a Good Person to my body.

oao plums, this puppy needs some more sleep.

the tantra chair

2010-12-10T09:26:00.000+02:00

as i mentioned in the post the great sexpo snore i have a new crush - the tantra chair. here are some pictures to illustrate why... come drool with me...

i don't know so much about tantra, but i just keep thinking, fuck those are some awesome back bends (yoga AND sexercise) and how COMFY.

i want.

love & hugs
dot
x

forced sex fantasies

2010-12-09T11:51:00.000+02:00

Sex columnist Dorothy Black takes a look at the darker side of our erotic minds

‘I’ve been encouraged to walk along a secluded path late at night, alone. I could hear his footsteps behind me and could feel my adrenalin flurry. I hate being chased. When you feel the arm wrap around your chest dragging you backwards, you are not 100% sure that it is definitely your partner. You look for any sign, smell, voice or glimpse, but you get nothing. I was knocked to the floor, face down and felt slightly winded. I could feel my eyes filling with tears as I still wasn’t sure who was doing this to me but the overwhelming tingles between my legs increase with intensity with each twist and turn.’

Cuntychopalops is the writer of this candid piece about that subject verboten everywhere outside of Germany – the rape fantasy, or what is more politely referred to as ‘ravishment’. Read more...

struggled with this one - not very light topic, had to keep it short and as un-porn or provocative as possible...

LOVE susie bright's take on ravishment - check out her piece here: so AWESOME

anyway. such a touchy subject in SA... oh well. to the back pages of women24 this goes...

frantic

2010-12-07T13:29:00.000+02:00

i have said yes to too many things! there is no time!! send for help!!! make it so!!!! to infinity and the bedroom!!!!!

i googled 'frantic' to see which image of franticness it would produce for me to present to you as a portrait of my 'i am slightly frayed' feeling in my gut.

it gave me this:

and then a weird, virtual random heart. this is krishna's way of telling me that all will be well. hurrah.
all i really want to do is get the freaking we-vibe review out - used it twice now, but arranging a penis at times suitable to oneself is sometimes a bother. and now i have my period.

oao plums
love and hugs
dot

postsecret pic of the week

2010-12-06T13:29:00.000+02:00

postsecret

i like this one. it reminds me of @samwilson1 's blog page background. vodka, lighters, milk, ice cream. priorities, people...

sometimes what i like about the postsecret postcards is that when you save the pic the name of the pic includes little embedded secrets, like more info about the card or web links. like the one above, had a link to foundmagazine.com . they collect found stuff like love letters, birthday cards, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins ... anything really ...

but of course. a duck stuck inside a front bumper. happens all the time

the great sexpo snore

2010-12-05T12:47:00.000+02:00

so. among the many many many reasons i need more time is that if i don't blog shit immediately it drops down on the list of priorities. and no matter how cool the stuff i want to blog about, it falls somewhere way below napping, eating and drinking wine.

so. finally. forthwith and to whit... my great sexpo expedition...

!!!!TA DA DAAAAAAA!!!!

.
.
.
.
.

*crick crick*
.
.
.
.
.snore.

ok. it wasn't that bad. it just wasn't any different to the last expo. they didn't up their game, there wasn't anything hey-shoo-wow... in fact, if anything, the exhibitions were even more yawn and generic than previous years.

which is probably due to the fact that Adult World now owns the sexpo. a significant number of stands were actually adult world owned. talk about monopolising and homogenising the show. boo. can't say i expect much better next year.

insiders also tell me that AW only took over the show four weeks (or months? can't remember which) before and didn't have the time to organise properly - or advertise properly. hear any protests from our religious zealots? nope? neither did i. no protests cos there was nothing to protest. again. yawn.

and i hope lack of time and organisational prowess were the reasons that there were NO FREAKING CONDOMS ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. a sexpo without copious free condoms? are you fucking kidding me? very disappointing sexpo. half the reason i go to your show is to stock up on free condoms for the year.

anyway. forthwith and to whit etc etc... my picture show of the 'show'...

fresh from kinx -- an elephantine dildo. their stall is always cool. i'd really like them to put on some proper BDSM shows next time...

you know. i love watching the fucking idiots who get excited about having their portrait painted by a dick. they're all nervous giggling messes in the beginning but the hysteria of being the centre of attention lasts all of five minutes before the realisation sets in that they'll be sitting there for what will feel like an hour. as each second ticks by you see the novelty of it all drain from their faces until, by the time they get to see the squirrel-smeared glob mess of paint they call an 'artist's portrait', they're grey with boredom from having to maintain interest. get a fucking day job prick man.

pure class. i tried convincing mr hardman to shove his finger into the butt hole for effect, but he politely recoiled with disgust. the baby person vagina thing is a return toy (probably the same stinky sample from last year) but for some reason less people found it amusing and more people associated it with fucking, well, a baby. can't say i disagree. weird.

oh alain the naughty hypnotist. i'm not sure who's more fucked up. sexpo for hosting your sorry arse AGAIN or you for thinking you're anything but a laughable poser. of the 20 people up there, 12 weren't close to being hypnotised, 2 were OBVIOUS placements, only 4 were at least genuinely confused and MAYBE 2 were ACTUALLY hypnotised.
at least he got me closer to an actual snore.

(on the right) an example of the usual acres and acres of rubbish porn supplied by adult world. i asked the mildly bewildered and totally uneducated AW stall salesperson if they stocked any fetish vids - any scat, showers?... - his wide eyes went even wider and he stuttered something about it being illegal and pointed me in the direction of 'buttman's big butt backdoor babes'. um. right.
(on the left) the only fetish vid at the WHOLE of the sexpo available only because a famous gay porn star (dunno which one) was here to promote his video.

the symbol of what the sexpo is essentially about -- dick. don't fool yourself. it's male-centric and about pleasing the almighty cock.
that is all.

i want.

chrissis. this seriously got my giddy. how to get people not to take your product seriously. bling bling lelo stands with black glass and twinkly lights and sales people who talk as flat as parow, look like the tannies in my dad's church and have as much sensitivity in explaining their product as i'd imagine one would have explaining bovine artificial insemination. though... maybe lelo thought this angle was better for their target market at sexpo.

dear SA tantra guy. great video, but some ideas: less bush, better lighting and stop being such a first-class arsehole and people might actually want to hear you talk. fucking douchebag.

do you remember how i felt about meeting the delight at the last sexpo? i got that same feel with the 'tantra chair'. it will be mine. i know i'm onto something good when i get wet just thinking about it.

the absolute MOST fun i had at sexpo this year, and real kudos to them for including this, was the 'ladies lounge'. the pop-up strip joint with bored dancers 'for the boys' next door had NOTHING on the energy in this room. i'm really impressed with pulse and the guys were great. sparky bought me lap dance with gabriel (above). this piece of man flesh is seriously hot with one very, very fine cock.

and then this SA porn starlett. very sweet, very soft, very drunk, probable meth-head. she took a liking to me and insisted we have many photos taken together. her boss/director/pimp was a real a-hole. the whole set-up made me feel sad.

there's more. but the beach is calling and i'm tired of reliving old memories, no matter how fond. anyway. for next year, I'd like to see some demonstrations, a live sex show and MORE FREAKING CONDOMS. christ. let's kick this up a notch.

holy CRAP. for serious? part 3 of 3 - postsecret pics of week

2010-12-01T14:48:00.000+02:00

on the back: i asked permission over and over she kept saying yes.
i'm still sorry if what she says is true for her

postsecret

a few months back a tweeter plum sent me blog link posted by a chick i didn't know about at the time.

the post was about her ravishment fantasies. i was pretty impressed with how candid she was about it and thought about writing something about women and their ravishment fantasies and then men and their ravishment fantasies.

like most good ideas, i quickly forgot about it until miss k and i were talking about molestation fantasies and such and bean got in the way and hurrumphed about how we could be talking thusly in the same breath (different convo but whatever) as the 16 days campaign (which isn't much of a campaign in south africa this year).

stupid man. so i thought i'd write about that most verboten of verbotens and the difference between a fantasy and really real life.

holy CRAP. for serious? part 2 of 3 - Mr Movember no more

2010-12-01T14:36:00.000+02:00

and so it ends. i can't say his bush was as mighty as it should've been after a month, but i quite liked that look on him... what say you? mo or mo-less?

holy CRAP. for serious? part 1 of 3

2010-12-01T14:14:00.000+02:00

it's just that if i had to blog everything i wanted to blog every TIME i wanted to blog i'd have no life and nothing to blog about.

chrisis. so onelongblogofshiti'vebeenthinkingabouttocatchup....

our own private regretsy

2010-11-26T11:32:00.000+02:00

so. i'm going to make fun of someone's artwork now, but before i do, let it just be said - a kind of disclaimer really - that i KNOW i have a penchant for shell hangings, but they are NOT the same as this...

that's a lot of abalone shells. i can't figure if i think it's really inventive or desperate... like someone (maybe the disgruntled wife of a perlemoen smuggler) just got fed-up with all the shells lying around and couldn't give ANOTHER ashtray for christmas, so resorted to just gluing the fuckers everywhere.

it belongs on regretsy - where DIY meets WTF. case in point:

yes. you read right. yours for only $2 500. though... if damien hirst did this, he'd sell it at auction in 10 minutes flat for $2.5 million.

value, after all, is all in the name.

Mr Movember Face Update

2010-11-25T15:32:00.000+02:00

bitch is trying to convince me that he's not touched his mo. not trimmed it, not scissored it, not nothing'd it.

i don't believe him. i'm seeing NO freaking progress here. what kind of facial hair doesn't grow a noticeable bush in a week? if my vagina can do that then your face should be able to also.

you're so almost fired sparks. let's see how you do next week or YOU'RE VOTED OFF THE ISLAND.

welcome to the jungle

2010-11-24T09:24:00.000+02:00

plums. i've mentioned before that when i get a song in my head sometimes - from nowhere - i think it might be god's way of sending me a message.

this morning god sent me welcome to the jungle by that skanky-ass crowd, guns n roses (though i say 'skany ass' but i liked them WAY better then... what they are now exactly is a mystery).

please. please bath. please.

can't imagine why.

their album, appetite for destruction, and def leppard's hysteria (still love these two albums) are somehow intimately connected to the preteen shock of hormones that had me reeling between sweeping weepy poetry of almost-angst and borderline violent, rebellious lusting after my crushes...

why welcome to the jungle reminds me of this i don't know. i think i found rose vaguely attractive in that wild, jonny-bad kinda way. though i was mildly attracted to just about everything then... our blonde english teacher with the great tits, the boys in church, the sun, the sea...

everything was an almost-manic sense of attraction ... a wild, confusing mess of 'WTF'... we were too young to know how to translate that into an expression or how to fuck or know what that meant. not really.

so what is god trying to tell me with welcome to the jungle?

i think god is trying to tell me to get to tantra.

why fight it?

my idea of sex

2010-11-23T08:35:00.000+02:00

well, not mine really. but i really liked the tumblr site, my idea of sex. in fact, i totally appropriate this as my some of my idea of sex... or something...

i would've put more cock shots in, but my interwebs is down at home (read: cannot afford [refuse to pay] vodafuckyou's 3G rates now that it's the end of the month salticrax) i'm doing this at work and it's 8.30 am and the office is filling up.

cock shots are sometimes more WHOA! than a pretty arse...

more here... NSFW etc etc

you might also be interested in in this delightfully named lass from mud island. her name is @cuntychoppalops. i don't care much for the name, but she writes well, and very often – well, mostly – about crazy sex stuff. check out her site, cunty choppalops font bukkake...

sexpo this weekend... actually looking quite forward to it...

oao plums
dot
xx

postsecret pics of the week

2010-11-21T21:02:00.000+02:00

this person would judge me so badly. i still want a 1950s housewife.

i bet it's the ginger. that's why she doesn't want her daughter to know... she doesn't want her kid to know her dad's a carrot-top. this pic saves as 'theworldthinksyoureperfectbutyourdaughterdeservesbetter'.

so it can't be ginger. potter? no one cares about the rest.

and on the back:

and cue my next column...

Mr Movember Face Update

2010-11-19T09:02:00.000+02:00

last week i introduced to you my Mr Face of Movember: Sparky.

heres the update

filling out a bit neh? hope it grows big and bushy so we can laugh at him. not that i need an excuse (which brings me to the question is ANYONE getting the 'mo' and 'chop' plus arrows double ahn-than-dres? anyone? anyone? bueller?)

oh well. we try. anyway. no matter how much i laugh at sparky, it'll never be as much as i laugh at these guys:

@hestia from melktertontwerp put me on to this FREAKING hysterical site - the beardly. check it out. it's your friday funny. go on. go. go check it out...

srsly.

oao
dot
x

miserable married sex?

2010-11-17T09:04:00.000+02:00

When being married means taking the worse with the worse in the sack, Dorothy Black thinks you should stop moaning and get proactive.

Writing about sex in wedlock might seem a topic stretch from someone of my prolonged singular status. Some might even say an exercise in schadenfraude. But I don't take pleasure in other people's misfortunes – at least not very often anyway – and I definitely don't enjoy when I hear that people aren't getting the sex they want or need. Or any sex at all, for that matter. Read more...

chrisis these columns have been like pulling teeth lately. i eventually got this one out after i spent my monday morning therapy session discussing it with Morla (the name by which my therapist shall now be known).

i don't know what she reminds me of morla. she's really quite beautiful and not nearly as old (what with morla being the ancient one and all). maybe it's cos she'll point me to the southern oracle. or something. metaphorically speaking.

anyhoo. to editing...

versus

2010-11-16T13:28:00.000+02:00

sparky sent me this today:

check more out over here... vair funny

sia

2010-11-15T12:53:00.000+02:00

i have a very small tv. very small.

a little bit of this challenged tv size has to do with the fact that i don't care much for spending money on getting a big tv (or paying for a TV license for shit i don't watch) but mostly it's because i'm lazy and don't really like the mental effort it takes to absorb and digest the piles and piles of BS in the form of ads, bad reruns and parlotones/KFC infomercials.

i prefer my TV for news and reality shows. oh and 30rock.

a 5x5 cm tv suits me just fine for this.

anyway.

point is, i happened to put the box on for 20 minutes yesterday and there was an insert about ausie muso SIA.

so i thought i'd just say how much i like her.

i like you sia

you might recognise her voice from the stuff she's done with zero 7. this is my favourite track from the first album that i heard, healing is difficult:

i was introduced to this album on a wee ex-pat groupie holiday in kenting. we didn't all like each other but fuckit we had fun anyway -- it was a swimming, scootering, tanning, eating, skinny-dipping booze fest with great music.

we were all rude, loud, obnoxious americans for a few days.

the only pretty beach in the whole of taiwan.
think it was called something inspired, like blue beach or something

so her new one, we are born, is out. though i think the insert was about one of older CDs, some people have real problems. so, kinda news worth knowing two years ago. you go SABC. seriously. go. go away.

anyway. i'm very excited. a new summer soundtrack album? i hope so. she does those super well. yay!

keenan (the lip master) cahill

2010-11-12T15:00:00.000+02:00

frack. so this 15-year-old dude has Maroteaux-Lamy Syndrome google tells me. which means a lot of things but essentially he stays quite small.

for some time now his thing has been to tape himself lip-synching to famous songs and then post them to youtube.

where, naturally, he's become super super famous. his katy perry vid and 50 cent vids are the most mostest of the lot.

to be honest though, this one below was the one that really cracked me up. dude's so sincere and so really feeling those lyrics. i feel bad laughing at him. it's lynchian in a away.

reminds me of creepy goddess bunny girl in a way. i've never quite figured what's creepier - the fact that she (he) looks that way, is that unhealthy, is dressed that way, tap dancing, taping herself - or that someone else was taping her (him?)...

a very schizo day

2010-11-11T11:09:00.000+02:00

christ i hate when i have a bad #thedotspot show.

it's not so cool when 30 seconds into a 2 min show i realise my brain isn't quite up to speed and i don't remember - uh, um.. WORDS! (yes that's it! WORDS!) and that i all i want to actually say the person asking the question is YOU'RE A BIG FAT STINKY uh umm thing that sit's on your neck thi-HEAD. YES! HEAD!

i know it's not a big deal in the greater scheme of everything, but i've got a reputation of being clever-ish and bad-ass to uphold. my ~~millions~~ two fans demand it from me (HI DAD!!). (next therapy session in T minus 3 days, 20 hours...)

it's like a big fat stinky reminder of how lame i feel sometimes -- but on national radio. awesome.

fat. stinky. head.

big words.

and i'm feeling particularly lame today.

i really am generally quite happy. seriously. just when i'm not.

like i'm playing both williams and de niro's part in awakenings.

like the together part of my mind -- as portrayed by dr malcolm sayer (williams) -- really, truly believes that the rest of my mind -- as portrayed by leonard lowe -- can revive itself, come back to life really, from the comatose pit of stupidity (in my case) in which it finds itself.

come on Brain! you can do it!

oh well.

Dot's Mr Face of Movember

2010-11-10T15:13:00.000+02:00

LOOKIT! it's SPARKY. he's the one freak of four that actually ~~reads~~ comments on my blog. he also sends me funnies and gives me cool music and movies.

we like sparky. (he's single and lookin' ladies -- i'd be all over it but his annoying healthy-ness and gentlemanly ways preclude me from falling in love with him...). we like him even more now that he's agreed to be my blog's Face of Movember.

he's going to keep us posted with his mo 'n chop growth.

i'd totally do it, except a) no one would want to actually SEE my face and b) my moustache grows too slowly. it's got a 80-year growth cycle. I'm hoping i'll be kicking my moose when i'm old and swearing at strangers and burping and stealing sweets... oh. wait. i kinda do tha--- oh nevermind...

anyhoo.

MOVEMBER:
Movember (the month formerly known as November), the month-long moustache growing charity event held each year to help raise funds and awareness for men’s health is officially in South Africa.

Men from age 15 to 40 years of age need to examine their testicles each month, preferably after a bath or shower, to feel for any pea-sized lumps that could indicate testicular cancer. Men over the age of 50 need to go for simple screening tests each year to check if they might have prostate cancer, which is the most common cancer among men in South Africa and globally. The lifetime risk for men developing prostate cancer in South Africa is one in 23.

http://za.movember.com/

boys. get your willies and prostrates and all that shit checked. we like you with your balls healthy and attached. your balls and penis are generally the reason we keep you around.

ha ha. jokes.

kinda.

enchanted dolls

2010-11-09T09:04:00.000+02:00

i love things that are mini. well. SOME things that are mini. and whenever i look at sculpture i want so desperately for it to move (i hate when you can't touch sculpture pieces) that in my mind's eye, i swear, they come alive. and then, i really really really wish i had a pocket monster (no, don't go the yawn route with that one), like a dragon or a little monkey or a little furry thing of some alien origination that could talk...

but sanity doesn't always allow us to get the things we want.

so, instead, i spend hours pouring over these little beauties, introduced to me by sparky.

click on this to enlarge it. so amazing.

"In all the tattoos, the porcelain is engraved with a needle while still raw,
fired and then china paint is rubbed into the grooves.
Accents are added in additional layers."

i can't list all my favourites. i love them all. the creator's name is marina bychkova. she makes me want to make dolls. and stare at them long and hard until they come alive.

visit her site - the enchanted doll - to check out her list of dolls for sale, or visit her blog for some interesting background info and pics.

LOVE.

postsecret pick of the week

2010-11-08T12:16:00.000+02:00

they're all so fucking depressing this week. or that could just be me.

my new girl crush

2010-11-07T09:09:00.000+02:00

laura marling. she 20. she's beautiful. her music makes me cry. caro - my trusty music window person (you know those people that are always introducing you to the coolest music) - put me on to the lovely laura.

on friday night sherry and i sang along to rambling man, baking cupcakes, smoking too many cigarettes and drunk on a bottle of coffee patron.

she let me weep a drunken menstrual laughing weep while we howled: LET IT ALWAYS BE KNOWN I WAS WHO I AM!!

dot reviews: the DeLight

2010-11-04T09:01:00.000+02:00

it wasn't a big deal or anything...

First impressions
Those of you that have been following this blog or my twitter stream will know that even before i had the DeLight in my hands i held a world of expectation. From the moment dr eve shoved it’s buzzing wonderfulness between my legs at a sexpo at the beginning of last year, I have coveted the DeLight. Did she disappoint? Read on...

What it is
The DeLight is a vibrator brought to us by Fun Factory. Like most sex toys it’s cool to use with your partner, but in my opinion, the shape lends itself better to single person fun.

How it works
Sporting what the FF calls the ‘Royal Curl’, this little gem takes minimal effort to use while you’re lying on your back. Resting your arm on your belly, you hold onto the top part of the curve while the bottom half slips easily and intuitively into your vagina. No weird angles, no uncomfortable stretching.

The bottom tip is bendable but firm enough – and knobbed enough – to do what it’s intended to do – stimulate the g-spot, while the ‘s’ curve fits over your clitoral zone and nicely between your labia, stimulating the entire area.

What it does
This little gadget vibrates like a mofo – 8 speeds, top speed is quite an experience – and then also freaking PULSATES (3 speeds).

What i thought of it
The happy
Sometimes i just want to lie in bed with the DeLight snuggled in my vagina with that lovely curve resting between my legs. Sometimes i do just that. It’s an incredibly ... how do i put it ... gentle toy. It’s got all the oomph of penetration and the sexiness of feel against your clit but with none of the carnival freak show about it that some toys have (What is ‘the rabbit’?).

It’s sexy without being porno and I like that it busts the myth that all good penetrative vibes have to be phallic. In fact, my delight is a ‘she’. (She’s resting on my belly as i type this in bed.)

But looks aside. Did it get me off? Hell yeah. I don’t think you could put this little honey on buzz within a few centimetres of your vagina without feeling the happy. I loved the variety of vibration settings and it was quite a treat getting to the last setting (it’s very fast -- like a little ooh-la-la for your clit). And the pulse setting? Left me lying in my own wet spot.

Ultimately i feel incredibly comfortable with the DeLight. Like i can really relax into exploring my hot spots. The song that comes into my mind when i think about me and my delight? Juuuuust the two of us...

The not happy
The curve itself is maybe a little tighter than i expected so it’s a really good thing that the tip is bendable otherwise there’d be no allowance for different body shapes. Or g-spot placing. The ratio between the clit-stimulating knob and the g-spot curve is also debatable, but as the whole toy vibrates equally well along its entire body this isn’t really a problem – ie your clit won’t be left unattended if you penetrate further.

The speed controls are also a little bothersome. Because your thumb is directly over them as you hold the device it’s easy to accidently press a button you don’t want to press. This can be very unfortunate if you’re on pulse and about 5 nanoseconds from coming and your thumb slips over the little minus button.

It takes some getting used to to easily shifting between speeds and settings, especially while you’re in the moment, but i found that lots of practise cleared that issue right up. oh how i love my homework.

dot was always a studious girl

Stats

made from medical-grade silicone and plastic
click n charge (there's a rechargable one that comes in a little case - very sexy, MUCH more expensive)
about R1 100 (though this depends on where and how you buy)
I’m not the only one thinking it’s one of the prettiest vibes around. It’s won the red dot design award 2008, got a silver at the focus open 2009, was nominated for the designpreis 2009 and the IF product design award 2010 (and some other one also...).

i LOVE this little mac-like, eco-friendly click n charge goodie

do i think you should run out and buy it now - yes. or once you've saved up some pennies. it is pretty pricey - BUT it's a keeper, 100% body healthy and will never let you down. And also, dudes don't find it very intimidating. suckers.

all toys (and lube) are sponsored by whet sensuality emporium > go to the store on long street in cape town and chat to marina or visit her site to buy your goodies

heart, the first

2010-11-03T12:47:00.000+02:00

my random hearts page is so lovely for me. i love seeing these little heart things everywhere (though not as often and in profusion as muso leonel bastos -- the guy is unbeatable... ghost of random hearts in the spaghetti sauce splatterings? unreal...)

any. way.

it all started with this heart...

it's in kalk bay. anyone else seen it? know what the story is behind it?

postsecret picks of the week

2010-11-01T09:55:00.000+02:00

true

i know we all need them sometimes but i hate when
people have to lie to keep them up and on

funny
i wrote a deep and insightful piece once questioning why
boys spend so much time on the bog

sad
my mom told me once that this is how she feels

love
these are my current fave radio play songs:
(and you may not judge me for it)
just the way you are - bruno
teenage dream - katy perry
somebody to love - bieber *fuckfuckfuckfuck*

safe sex toys

2010-10-30T09:55:00.000+02:00

Your sex toys may be giving you hours of fun in the bedroom, but Dorothy Black wonders whether you know what you’re putting in your body?

I wasn’t the first person to enjoy my very first vibrator. No, that honour went to the creepy gentleman behind the counter whose penis seemed to live vicariously through my new florid-pink jelly vibe – he eagerly showed me how to grip the shaft, insert batteries and twist the speed knob this way and that, this way and that, until I had a little lump of bile in my throat.

Read more...

it's saturday morning. the column's up. i want to say something witty and har-di har har, but i'm not in the mood. the day's too lovely to think very hard and i'm on my way to the diemersfontein pino on tap fest. well, soon, at least. after some breakfast. and a steam. maybe a wee coffee somewhere...

can't say i'm looking terribly forward to it a whole day of missioning. what with the having the cooties the whole week.

but still. wine. yummo.

oao plums
xx

postsecret pick of the week

2010-10-28T11:56:00.000+02:00

i would grab

1. my laptop
2. um... a blanket
3. um... fuck. i don't have anything else i'd want to save. no pets. my plants would, well, die of the shock anyway... my gamillions of books, well...wtf, save one, save em all? jewellery... hmm

does that make me lame or incredibly, incredibly cool?

A CASE OF NERVES

THE DOT SPOT IS LIVE

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

bcurious

oh em geeeeZUZMUTHAFACKIN'

buscemeyes

postsecret pic of the week

an unacceptable site

virginity? screw it.

postsecret pic of the week

even angels will fall

postsecret pics of the week...

back to the future

i have sex

friday funny

dear christina hendricks

blame this

facebook friends on star trek

room 33

not on top of it

*insert witticism here*

the pink parade

postsecret pic of the week

pop art blue

cheating hearts

white rabbit

postsecret pic of the week & OGLAF

#ladypornday

me is a sex editor woot woot

hot and bothered

vw darth vader cuteness

postsecret pics of the week and a juicy...

blog blog wherefore art thou blog

gaga goes a bit kaka

postsecret pic of the week

life 2.0

roses are red

what does dot look like

postsecret pics of the week...

booty bucket list

RUBBER

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

marcel the shell with shoes on

gays are still evil

helloooo sailor

fuck your honda civic

a pussy, a postsecret and a pretty almostSFW pic

hop! hop!! HOPLA!!!

the most amazing random heart

ned calls...

postsecret pics of the week AAAANNNDD....

suicide bunny

forever fucked up

those crazy christians

free your mind

postsecret pics of the week

i love lamp

picky postsecrets of the week

bah poo blegh

a very bing christmas to you

a dylan moran funny

dear universe

dot reviews: the We-Vibe

postsecret pics of the week...

a stab in the dark

the days are just packed

finally. the big time.

post reject of the week

fly me to the moon

the tantra chair

forced sex fantasies

frantic

postsecret pic of the week

the great sexpo snore

holy CRAP. for serious? part 3 of 3 - postsecret pics of week

holy CRAP. for serious? part 2 of 3 - Mr Movember no more

holy CRAP. for serious? part 1 of 3

our own private regretsy

Mr Movember Face Update

welcome to the jungle

insert witticism here